Who You Are Determines What You Do

I have a problem. I'm naturally a pretty lazy guy, but that's only half of the problem. I'm lazy, but I'm idealistic and I like to think about things in the ultimate sense (as much as I can think in accordance with the Word). So I think a lot about what an ideal church community looks like or even more personally, I think a lot about what an ideal Christian or missionary looks like. But on the other hand I'm lazy and I don't do what is obviously needed to become more like the ideal. And I guess the last part of the problem would be that it's too easy to fall into thinking that "What you do determines who you are," instead of "Who you are determines what you do."

So on days here when I have plenty of people to teach English or guitar to and I have to spend time preparing lessons and things like that, I feel good about myself. I think, "Hey, I'm here for missions and now I have mission work!" So in my working and doing I feel like I'm (1) overcoming laziness (2) being a better missionary and (3) thinking my Christian work is making me more Christian.

Then I have days like these when students are on break and have gone home, classes have been canceled or postponed, or people don't want to learn anymore. I have more free time on my hands than I'm used to, and I'm not using it to read books or study Thai. I'm not doing much at all, and in my wrong way of thinking, not doing equates to not being a good Christian or a good missionary. This makes me depressed, which makes me even more lazy, which makes me do less, which makes feel like less of a Christian, which makes me more depressed (you get the idea).

As I reminded myself yesterday that being Christians is not what you do but who you are (by what Christ has done for us), God gave me a little reminder of the kind of fruitful work that overflows from an assurance of who you are. I went to my Thai class after skipping three of them (two of I skipped because I was fishing), and there was this new caucasian girl in the class. The only available seat was next to her, so I took it. They were going over a packet the teacher had handed out last week, and because the teacher had no more, I had to share with this girl next to me (No this is not a falling in love story).

During break, I found out that she was going to be in the course for a month and I was amazed to find out she knew so much Thai for being here only a month. She was struggling, but she had apparently studied so much to catch up with a class that had been learning for three months (and I've already taken a year of Thai at UCLA - Go Bruins!). She went up to the teacher to get some more help and I happened to glance over at her notebook which lay open on the table.

There was a list of vocabulary words that she had written down for herself to learn later and on it were some English words that she apparently had not found the Thai equivalent for yet.

come - maa
go - pay
broken -
prostitute -
Jesus -

I was like what?! Jesus?! She's Christian?! I talked to her more and found out she had been taking the Teaching English as a Second Language class and was planning to go to Mae Sai in a month to teach English to victims of sex trafficking. She had some kinda contact at Grace International School (school for missionary kids) and was offered a job there, but her heart was for victims of sex trafficking and she turned it down.

I never asked her age, but she looked like my age or maybe still even in college. She wasn't here with an organization and had apparently come by personal means. Yet here she was with a burning desire to learn and master Thai and go reach out to the people that God had burdened her heart with.

So I told her the words for Jesus, God, and grace (I don't know prostitute) and she was quite thankful. But as I sit here writing this post, I'm so thankful to God for putting this girl in the class, even if only for a month, to remind me of the kind of "work" that overflows from one passionate for God. I want have that kind of passion that motivates me to learn as many Thai words about Christianity as I can to share the gospel even by limited means. I'm sure for this girl studying is not a sacrifice or a chore - every word learned is one more bit of joy to share with those around her.

God help me devote my time, energies, and effort to your work here. Let me see the glory of your Son and what He has done to assure me of who I am. I am a new creation. I am a slave to righteousness. Who I am, a child of God, determines what I do. And from this identity, may such a passionate love for you and a burdened heart for your people overflow, so that work or effort would not really be "work."