Language and Listening

I know what you all are thinking:
"Wait, another post about language? When will he get bored of it?"

Yes, another post about language or learning language.  I tend to think about one subject and just squeeze out as many different possibilities and applicable points until it runs dry.  (If you don't believe me, ask Pastor Jonas about when I first learned about Calvinism - that's all I wanted to talk about for months). ((Do periods go inside or outside of a closing parenthesis?))  As learning language is something that I am aware of everyday, different thoughts and points of application run through my mind.  I hope this will be my last one, and it's not long - just something short I thought about today. 
But onto the post.

Language and Listening

My Thai teacher commented today that I was pretty good at speaking Thai but my listening comprehension was terrible.  She also pointed out how the other short-term missionary from Korea (who came two months after me) was really good at listening and understanding, but not so at speaking.  Now I usually take my compliments gluttonously and my criticisms like poison , but this was true so I accepted her comment and thought about it.

The Korean short-termer (Youngrae) has gotten pretty good in her Thai language acquisition in less time and less experience in Thai language than I have.  (I almost put "than me" but props to Iris for always correcting my grammatical mistakes - parrallel structure!)  I never knew how good she had gotten until one day one of the Thai students said something to me and while I was struggling to understand or asking the student to repeat, Youngrae just blurted out the meaning.  There had been no real way of gauging her respective language level before because she rarely spoke Thai.  Youngrae lives and stays at Baan Joy most of her time and just sits and listens to the students carrying on with their daily routine.  But just like that my perspective on her level changed, and I noticed that her Thai was pretty dang good.

I see two valuable lessons I have learned about myself or life.  (I'm also trying a point-by-point style writing so I can stay more focused while I write instead of wandering off into tangents - there's always good old parentheses to wander off into random thoughts right?)

1.  I realized that the fact that my speaking skills were good and my listening skills were bad and that Youngrae's listening skills were good and her speaking skills were bad revealed my own personality deficiency.  My first instinct was to write off this observation to something inherent in culture.  (And one big weakness in being interested in cultural or social influences is you tend to write off all your weaknesses and blame some outside influence that you had no control over.  I just have to realize that I'm to blame sometimes.)  There may be some truth into the culture insight - Koreans tend not to speak a new language until they feel they're at a point where they can speak to some measure of success, whereas Americans have a very confident, learn-by-mistake mentality in how they approach language. (But Americans also do expect the rest of the world to speak English, haha) (So much for point-by-point, look how much I've wandered off already.)

Anyway, I realized that the reason that I spoke better than I comprehended was none other than my close friend and enemy - pride.  Oh pride, you insidious creature! You'll never leave me alone will you?  For what brings more attention and honor and glory - people hearing you speak Thai with perfect tones and grammatical structure or people knowing you can understand them?  I remember now that the times I put effort into learning a new structure or new vocabulary were motivated by my desire to see the Thai students impressed by my progression.  And that one time when they said they thought I had learned Thai better than other missionaries they've seen before? Pure gold poison into my heart.  The delight I felt as I saw the looks of approval on people's faces when I was able to share on Sunday for the first time what I was thankful for in the Thai language was all pride! PRIDE!

When it came down to it, I never really liked to listen to people.  This is true not only in Thailand but in the entirety of my life.  In conversations, my favorite thing to do was not to absorb the wisdom of others but to give the final word - my superior, more-educated, more-well-thought-out, more-logical, more-impressive opinion.  And looking back, I see why I felt so hampered in the beginning of my ministry here in Thailand.  I love to teach and I feel it is a gift God has given me.  But now I see how my sinful nature can warp even my most prized gift.  Teaching requires one to speak and put ideas into communicable words.  I couldn't do this with my lack of Thai language and so I felt useless. I felt like my gift was being wasted.  But now I see that even when gift is utilized, even for good purposes, there's that evil part of me stealing the glory as I see people impressed by the words that come out of my mouth.

And in the beginning I never liked sitting in a room where people would be talking and I had no idea what was going on, so I would just stay in my room rather than put myself out there.  (And I don't think it's all bad because being in those environments is quite draining.  Introverts need time to rest sometimes.)  But when my Thai got better and I could converse with the students and even give some witty retorts, spending time with the students got more fun.  But that thread of pride being woven through all my experiences in learning Thai is quite visible now.  My sinful nature craves that attention and approval I receive when I speak.

"When I want to do right, evil lies close at hand." - Romans 7:21

So that's point one, just kind of another realization and understanding of the ever-so pervasive nature of my sinful heart.  "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

2. I realize more than ever that listening is a gift.  This world prizes the gifted speakers.  Great preachers receive all the attention and have the most visited blogsites (why else would you go?).  Great speakers become presidents and leaders and obtain all sorts of positions of power.  There is great power in speaking and the art of communication to sway the minds, attitudes, and beliefs of listeners.  It's quite natural we place such a high value on that gift.

But I devote space to the under-appreciated art and gift of listening.  I am really impressed by the way Youngrae sits day in and day out in the common room at Grace Fellowship as students carry on their daily routine.  Like I said before, I just could never do this and here's my fruit of several months of avoiding passive listening - I can't comprehend people when I listen.  Youngrae will never get the status points for speaking but she'll always be a reliable ear for anyone who needs it.

I remember hearing a sermon example by a pastor about how when his wife came to him with his problems he would always try to respond with his pastoral and theological advice.  But one day his wife told him, "I need you to stop being a pastor and just listen."  Pastors talk and talk and we listen because they do have very important advice.  But a huge part in being a pastor (or any loving Christian) has to be listening to people.

People want to be heard.  People don't want to hear another cookie-cutter solution to a complex problem.  There's great release in just being able to express every emotion, feeling, and thought to someone who truly cares about every word you're saying, rather than just waiting for an opportunity to say something profound.

I hope that this little insight into my own weakness will prepare me to be a better husband, friend, brother, son or minister.  I pray that God will give me the gift of listening.  And this being my more practical point, I hope that any reader would also see the value of listening and seek to be a dependable ear as a way of showing love to those around.