Paradigms, Perspectives, and Purpose

Everyday we do things so out of routine and live our monotonous lives without ever questioning the purpose. Or maybe we've thought about the purpose before, but by adding the action into our daily routine, we've long forgotten the why. I know that brushing my teeth kills bacteria, freshens my breath, removes plaque, whitens my teeth and prevents the leading gum disease gingivitis, but I never think about that when I'm brushing my teeth in the morning (or on the other hand, I never think about how all that bad stuff is going to happen to me when I don't brush my teeth...haha).

But sometimes something flicks that mental switch which reorients all our perspectives and paradigms and you think about something that you've always done in a new light, or become amazed at it again. After I watched Surrogates a couple days ago (I know, another Surrogates movie mention? It's not even that great), I started looking at my fingers and watching them move. And I was amazed that right when I thought about making my finger move, my finger moved! My fingers move all the time whether I pick my nose or play my guitar, but that switch in my head went off and I became amazed at the fact my fingers move by my control. (I wasn't high or anything)

This past week I went out to the CMU cafeterias a couple times as I said I would. The first time, I ended up going a little late because of a couple errands and chores I had to do. The cafeteria was packed with hundreds of students waiting for food or tables. People talking excitedly with their friends. Cafeteria ladies with paper hats and hair nets scooping food onto plates. Students trying to cram in a couple pages of reading before the next class while scarfing down their food in between words.

Most of the time my mind doesn't even register that much. I'm usually just so focused on thinking about what I want to eat, or where I want to sit, or what I'm doing later that day, that by the end of the day I can't recall anything special I did, it was just another grind. No details, no purpose. It's in those days, I desperately want that mental switch to go off to give my mundane repetitive daily activities a new meaning.

But that lunch was different because I went with a purpose that afternoon. I wanted to see what God would want me to do when I put myself in the middle of the people He wanted me to be with. It's sad because I hadn't gone out in such a long time and things felt different (new tiling?!). Like I said, I had gone a little late and by the time I waited through the lunch lines, walked up and down the aisles for a table, sat down and ate, most of the students were leaving for their next class. I could have easily been discouraged, or came down harsh on myself for not coming earlier when there were seats available, but I just took a deep breath and looked around.

When I took time to do this and remembered the purpose I had come with, the switch in my head went off. I hadn't come with the focus to feed myself, but with my eyes looking outward to see what God wanted me to do. And more than just realizing what was going around me, I began thinking about why people were doing the things they were doing. Mark Driscoll writes in his book The Radical Reformission: Reaching Out Without Selling Out, "Every day, people eat, sleep, work, play, love, and hate, but they do not know why. Not knowing where they come from or to whom they are going, they lack the ability to make their lives meaningful." I thought about how we as Christians do so many things without purpose when we've been given a glorious purpose through Christ, but how even more, those who don't know Jesus will study, graduate, work, love, have kids, marry and die without any eternal purpose. I knew then and there that God had brought me late on purpose so I could just see the crowds and pray for them before I could do anything.

It reminded me of this passage from Matthew 9:35-38:

35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

I remembered Pastor Jeff's sermon on this passage on January 18, 2009, how Jesus saw the crowds and had compassion. (and splancha, and how lost people made Jesus' stomach all knotted) But before Jesus saw the crowds, He was already going throughout all the cities and villages proclaiming the gospel and healing. He had a singular purpose to do all the Father asked of Him and to glorify the Father through Himself. So of course if Jesus knows that He was sent to earth to draw the lost sheep to Himself, Jesus will see the crowd and have compassion on the people. Jesus won't pass by the poor, sick, and hungry without any second thoughts. He knows his life purpose and mission. His purpose was not geared toward pleasing Himself, but pleasing the Father by serving His people.

So we've been doing things backwards this whole time. We run through our daily gauntlet from meaningless activity to meaningless activity, trying to maximize self-pleasure and minimize self-damage as much as possible, and at the end of the day we try to piece it all together and ask ourselves, "What was that all about?" We try to find a purpose in the things we did without a purpose, obviously don't find anything, then feel sorry for ourselves when we realize a year has passed with nothing to show for.

Had I come to the cafeteria without a purpose, or with only the mundane purpose of getting nutrition, I would never have seen the hundreds of lost and purposeless students, nor would I have realized that God wanted me at the cafeterias to intercede for the students while they were in front of my eyes. The switch went off in my head and I saw the students as more than just bodies that were pushing by me or taking up seats - I saw souls and feelings and eternal destination.

How many times did I walk up and down Bruinwalk without ever contemplating the fate of thousands around me? Were they hurting? Were they happy? How many times did I just eat lunch at my apartment without ever putting myself out where Jesus would have been? How could I ever expect the switch to go off in my head that would let me see the world through God's eyes that looks outward to the hurting and broken rather than my eyes that look inward to my felt needs and wants?

I think everyday we wake up with our eyes drawn inward and only by the act of the Holy Spirit can we start looking outward as God intends us to. The only thing that will flip that switch in our minds that changes all paradigms of what's important is renewing our life purpose in Christ. That's why I think morning devotions are better than night devotions. Morning devotions to me seem good for refocusing my heart on God and praying for that switch to go off, while night devotions are good for looking back and seeing how God was moving and thanking Him. Doing both would probably be the best. But like Christ, when we go out into the world everyday knowing our singular purpose to glorify God, we will always find something that needs to be prayed for, something that will shake up our paradigms that have settled on ourselves again.

So perhaps when we ask ourselves why God isn't moving in our lives, we just need a switch in perspective or paradigm. It's not that God isn't opening doors, we're just not looking. Perhaps we've just forgotten our purpose to look for what God is trying to do in our lives. Every single day we are walking by, driving past, sitting next to, eating in the same building with and sleeping in the same room with people that God has been wanting us to see with His eyes for the broken. There are people everyday He wants us to pray for and minister to. Let's just remember our purpose and look outwards to see what God has in store.

Have you ever glanced through your Facebook newsfeed and saw an update of your Christian friend saying something like "Sue is in a relationship with Sally" or "Jill is married to Mary" without giving it a second thought? Or if any thought was given, it was just a surface thought like "O, I guess Sue and Sally must be really good friends."

But I saw one of those updates today, and something was different. Blame it on being in Thailand or something, but this time it just didn't sit right with me. I thought about it a little more deeply and realized that something so seemingly harmless is actually a terrible witness to the wider community. Imagine a random stranger stumbling upon a Christian's facebook and without seeing any of the profile information sees that "Jill is married to Mary." Would this not mean at face value that Jill and Mary are lesbians who probably got married in a state that allows homosexual marriage? Then this random stranger looks at the rest of the information and sees that this person likes Christian music, is in some Christian Facebook groups, has posted some favorite Scripture, and lastly, "Religious Views:" says "Christian." In a day and age where homosexuality has in many ways become an accepted norm, Christians who hold that homosexuality is a sin are looked upon as judgmental bigots. It seems to me that there is too much of a disconnect between what Christians believe and how actions play out, at least with this issue.

I was initially tempted to just relegate the entire issue to Facebook relationship statuses, which only pertains to girls, but then I realized that at least in the Korean American church, boys pretty much do the same thing by acting "gay" with each other. And I'm guilty of this too. We have the idea that at some level of comfort, guys can act gay with each other and it displays some kind of camaraderie or brotherhood.

But I think both the Facebook relationship statuses and Korean American males acting gay points to a bigger issue of church in America. Churches in America are so homophobic that there are no real homosexuals within the congregation to make Christians think twice about putting up such a relationship status or acting gay. Christians can safely limit their profiles to only their friends (who are all Christian and heterosexual). Christian males (but I've seen some instances of females too!) can act towards one another in a homosexual manner in the church and it's deemed as funny.

I only bring this up because I'm starting to realize how sinful this duality really is where one hand condemns homosexuality but the other hand treats it as a trivial and funny matter. And the only reason why I realize this is because I'm in Thailand where being homosexual or transsexual or transgender is really, really the norm. Are they not lost people also created in the image of God? Too often they are cast off as the "other" and not even given the chance to come to the saving grace of Christ.

While STEM was here I remember doing stupid "gay" things with my fellow male teammates, and one of the Thai church members who had recently turned away from cross-dressing walked in. I remember being embarrassed, but continuing to do those kinds of things later when no other Thai people were around. I also recently heard that another Thai member was using the phrase "Man, that's gay" to refer to things he thought was stupid. Whether he learned that from me or other STEM members, all I know is that our culture of taking homosexuality so lightly within the church creates situations that formerly homosexual Christians should not have to face. Leaving a homosexual life is not like a switch, it's a daily struggle like any other sin. We Christians do not make it any easier by treating these things so trivially. Enough damage has already been done to hinder homosexuals from wanting to come to the American church as it is.

I'm trying to start a male fellowship here with the few male Christians within the church and all my paradigms of what male fellowship is within the Korean American church have been thrown out the window. I'm literally at an utter loss when I try to think of what we can do or what we can talk about when the group of males are not going to be homogeneously heterosexual. Even my Thai pastor is somewhat at a loss when it comes to how to deal with those who have given up the homosexual lifestyle to follow God.

In the end, I would like to make a final plea to anyone who reads this to consider the implications of things that we take so trivially and never give a second thought. I know that this culture of triviality will have to be put to death in me as well. But it must be put to death. It is a sinful culture that sends the wrong message to the world when we as the church are called to be the salt and light. Please imagine if you would do the same things and laugh about it in front of a formerly homosexual Christian. It just isn't funny anymore. It's not just a joke. Let's act as much as possible in accordance with Christ's example of loving the sinner and not the sin.

Psalm 40

1 I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.

9 I have told the glad news of deliverance
in the great congregation;
behold, I have not restrained my lips,
as you know, O Lord.
10 I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;
I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness
from the great congregation.

I readily associate and connect with the first three verses of this psalm. I can think of two great songs that use these three verses in its lyrics (Hillsong - Most High and Jesus, Lover of My Soul). I'm sure everyone who has experienced the salvation of the Lord knows what it feels like when the world is sinking around you and you cling to the rock that is Christ like there's no tomorrow. In those moments of utter despair and desperation, Christ comes as a firm foundation and makes our steps secure. We can and want to live another day. He gives us salvation and becomes our delight. In our joy, new songs of praise overflow from our heart - not forced Sunday songs, but a daily, continual song of gladness.

But then I enter the real world, with people who do not know the joy of the Lord and whose father influences them to mock, ridicule and persecute me. My faith is no longer the "new song in my mouth" or the "glad news;" I become like Peter and cower instead of proclaiming my allegiance to the Lord. Verses 9 and 10 become a disconnect between what I want to do and what I really do. I restrain my lips and hide God's deliverance in my heart. I do not speak of God's faithfulness and His salvation; I conceal his steadfast love.

This should not and cannot be. Verse 16 says "those who love your salvation say continually 'Great is the LORD!'" whether at church or among the lost or even among the professed enemies of God. Jesus says "[we] are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden." How can we hide the glad news?! Why don't our hearts burst at the seams when we restrain our lips?! The gospel should be like the gift a child receives and tells the entire world about with joy and glee.

O God that I may proclaim Christ from the mountaintops, shout salvation from the cities, sing praises in my room and declare your glory in the schools here! Grant your servant to continue to speak your word with all boldness.

Going out to CMU cafeterias. Pray for me that God may open to a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ(Colossians 4:3).

CTS Retreat - Videos

Videos are UP! enjoy!

CTS Retreat - Taking Care of Children

This weekend, Cathy, Jinny, Grace and I were invited to help at a retreat for Chiang Mai Theological Seminary (CTS). (Photos @ Facebook)

I've put up some pictures of the beautiful resort. I really really want to come to Thailand for my honeymoon...in 2012 (cross my fingers)...ahahahaha. It was nice having a hot shower for the first time since STEM left, but of course I had to get the one with the clogged drain, forcing my feet to bathe in two inches of my dead skin cells.

Not gonna say Holy Spirit came with tongues of fire or the sound of a rushing wind nor will I say revival came and all these people were saved. The retreat was for seminary students and graduates so hopefully they're all saved already. And my job was to take care of children with Cathy, Jinny and Grace using very limited Thai. But I love speaking Thai with kids cuz they can't use hard words and I can almost talk to them now. Hurray for speaking at a 3 year old level!

As I shared somewhere before, the theme of the retreat was "Spirit Filled God's Servants." I think the adults learned things about why the second baptism is wrong, what the Spirit's characteristics were like and how the Spirit works in our lives. And I think before every session the adults would bring the children to the front of the meeting room and pray for them, their welfare and spiritual lives. Usually when I teach children of non-Christian backgrounds or sing Christian songs with them I get this immensely sad and depressing feeling when I realize this could be the only time in their lives they ever sing praises to Jesus (even if they don't understand the words). But I didn't feel that way with these children whose parents were praying for them and would continue to pray for them. I think I just knew that God would see the faithfulness of their parents and have mercy on their children. It also reminded me of how my mom used to pray with me before I went to sleep. The two main things I remember is that I used to pray in Korean (I knew enough Korean to pray in Korean!) and we prayed a lot when my grandmother was sick and eventually passed away. But what a blessing it is to have parents concerned for the spiritual well-being of their children!

Speaking of children, I read a quote about God from G.K. Chesterton that is pretty interesting:

“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, ‘Do it again’; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, ‘do it again’ to the sun; and every evening, ‘Do it again’ to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”

Just some food for thought.

I think E-College is having its ministry-wide Daniel Fast tomorrow. Last year I think I lost 10 pounds or something and seeing that I've lost around 15 pounds here already and the difficulty to cook meals for oneself, I decided to cut out internet and soda. I'll still be checking my e-mails so if you need to contact me just give me a holler. Or we could make Skype appointments if we haven't talked in long time and you're dying to talk with me. But I'm not that fun haha. I'll also continue to blog any insightful things that God reveals to me during this time of fasting. I recommend everyone do it! I've written in my STEM testimony before but the Daniel Fast was what led me to my confirmation to come to Thailand. God really does answer prayers when we ask, knock and seek, and He will be found by those who seek Him with all their hearts.

I Thank God for Community

On Sunday, I went with Cathy (one-year missionary from Ohio) to Vineyard Church after service. It was my first time at an English service since I've been here in Thailand and praise God it was such a blessing. For a while my main spiritual feeding outside of personal devotion was a New Testament survey class I've been taking at Chiang Mai Theological Seminary. Then I started listening to John Piper sermons after helping out with the service at Grace Fellowship. The service is entirely in Thai, so I help out with praise and either pray or read my Bible in the back during the message. Sometimes I try to sit and understand the message but usually it's like "ooo that means sin!" I doubt I'll know enough Thai to understand a full message by the end of my year here, especially because the Thai Bible uses a higher, formal Thai that's different from conversational Thai. Then for the past two weeks, Mayer gave me the opportunity to watch eCollege service through Skype which is pretty cool but pixel-y.

All these means of feeding myself were great, but by last week I still found myself dry and spiritually weak. And after attending an English service on Sunday, singing praise songs in English (a bunch of Vineyard songs I didn't know), and listening to a sermon (if I could call it that, it was more like a seminar on spiritual gifts) I began to realize what I was missing. After the message, the four members of the congregation prayed for me and Cathy and it brought such peace to my heart as they gave me words of encouragement. I felt the warmth of their hands as they prayed for me and that sometimes tingly sensation when something they're saying really hits your heart.

Community.

I recently read a blog about how some internet church performed the first internet baptism and regardless of whether I think that's right or not, I know I'd never want that. There's something just so wonderful and beautiful about community. Not the kind where you can give yourself a screen name and craft perfect words or video angles to hide your true self, but the kind where you can take off all the masks and subterfuges of having it all together and be surrounded by people who will love you for who you are, not what they want you to be.

And I'm not saying that all of a sudden I had community with the members at Vineyard (although in some sense I did), but I think what was most blessing was that it reminded me the community I had back at home. Should I choose to continue attending this church, I'm not going to use them to think about my community at home...that's like kissing your girlfriend and thinking about Jessica Alba or whoever is popular these days. I have to make my sacrifices, put my guard down, and force myself to go through all the uncomfortable and awkward small talk. But that's what true community takes, no?

Remembering back to my journey through church community (and as I've shared to some before), I used to hate Sarang because it was too big and I had no group of people that would love me and encourage me to walk in the Lord. But I came to the realization that it's not entirely the church's responsibility to provide that. Because I never took the personal risks to put myself out there, there was no way I could ever get past the seemingly superficiality of other church members. But once I did take that leap, I found a group of people who were quite genuine with their flaws and willing to travel the journey of knowing Christ together.

I truly do miss home, my friends who speak English, praise songs in English, Chipotle and all that. But above all I miss the community of people of God, the living stones being built together brick by brick under the cornerstone that is our Lord Jesus Christ. God knows my particular situation and I pray He will provide for me a more than adequate substitute for what my heart so desires. But for everyone back home, I say take a minute to thank God for your friends and brothers and sisters that love you with the love of Christ, who stick by you during you times of adversity, who weep with you during your times of sorrow, who rejoice with you in your times of victory, who encourage you in times of despair, and who strengthen you in times of weakness. It's truly a gift of grace from God, let's not take it for granted.

The Vending-Machine God

A couple nights ago I was eating dinnerwith Tiff, a junior at Chiang Mai University and a member of Grace Fellowship, when she received a phone call from her sister. After hanging up, Tiff excitedly told me about how her sister just had an experience with God. (For some more background info, Tiff accepted Christ within the last half year and has told me her sister was not very interested in becoming Christian.) Tiff has a lot of passion to know God even as a new believer and so I rejoiced with her at this news. I then asked her what this experience was and she told me the following: Her parents had just bought a new motorcycle for her sister. Her sister had gone to the mall and realized she lost her keys. So she prayed really hard to God and when she arrived at her motorcycle her key was in the basket.

I don't know what to think in these situations. I read or heard somewhere that Westerners like to have these categorical thought or belief systems and how if anything doesn't fit they like to just discard the evidence. I know that with God all things are possible and that He can help even with lost keys. But I wonder to what frequency does He do these things? How glorified is He in these things? I mean if this experience leads her to be more interested about Christ and eventually call upon Him as Lord and Savior, then I say "Praise God!" But whether she comes to saving faith or not, my biggest fear is that people would see God as some sort of insurance in times of need. I believe God is not glorified when the only time we seek Him is during the bad and troubled times. God wants to be worshiped and sought during times of joy and times when things go well. The worst degree of this kind of Christianity would be the prosperity gospel which teaches that God will help you get a better job, have better health, and be rich if you just pray to Him and have faith.

But I don't want to be some kind of spiritual buzz kill and be like, "Hey praise God, I'm glad to hear that He answered your sister's prayers. But remember Philippians 1:29, 'For it has been granted to you for that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake.' We should learn to be absolutely content and happy in God even if God wanted us to lose a motorcycle. God has promised we will suffer as Christians. But remember, God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him, not his gifts or things he does for us."

I agree with John Piper that when Christians see God as some kind of divine vending-machine, they are led to believe that God would not let "bad" things happen to them. And when these bad things do happen, they turn away from God because they never loved him, only the nice circumstances they attributed to God. And I agree with John Piper that a Christian who truly values Christ would worship him in all circumstances, whether rich or poor, whether things go well or go wrong, and that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.

But to someone who has not seen the value and worth of Christ yet? This sounds like utter foolishness. But who says God can't work in the simple things like lost keys? And if God was really working through that, why can't I be fully happy for Tiff's sister? Why do I have to think about all these ultimate reasons and ultimate purposes for God or prayer? Am I just making a big deal out of nothing and not trusting God's wisdom in these issues by trying to bring my theology into every little issue?

Maybe sometimes God works in people's lives, like He did in Apostle Paul's life leading Paul to give up all things and count all things as loss for the sake of knowing Christ. (But then again he had a lifetime full of hardcore religiosity before he found the grace of God through Christ). And maybe sometimes God works slowly and steadily, like He did in my life, as God worked over years and countless stupid mistakes to help me give up more and more of my life to Him. But in my case, I had good teaching and good books to guide me in valuing God above all things and not using Him as a divine vending-machine.

So readers, I'd like to hear your thoughts. When is the right time to teach about the deeper things of Christianity? Since it's just one incident, I don't need to get all worried about some prosperity gospel or vending-machine God gospel seeping into the Thai churches right? (exaggeration) Should we as Christians let people know that God isn't all about just making our lives happy and neat before they become Christians? Or should we let them hold some slightly incorrect or incomplete views and have their experiences with God before these things are taught? Or should I just not hold such a strong-Piper theology? hahaha.

I just really want everyone to see and understand God as correctly as possible. Right thinking produces right action.

Who You Are Determines What You Do

I have a problem. I'm naturally a pretty lazy guy, but that's only half of the problem. I'm lazy, but I'm idealistic and I like to think about things in the ultimate sense (as much as I can think in accordance with the Word). So I think a lot about what an ideal church community looks like or even more personally, I think a lot about what an ideal Christian or missionary looks like. But on the other hand I'm lazy and I don't do what is obviously needed to become more like the ideal. And I guess the last part of the problem would be that it's too easy to fall into thinking that "What you do determines who you are," instead of "Who you are determines what you do."

So on days here when I have plenty of people to teach English or guitar to and I have to spend time preparing lessons and things like that, I feel good about myself. I think, "Hey, I'm here for missions and now I have mission work!" So in my working and doing I feel like I'm (1) overcoming laziness (2) being a better missionary and (3) thinking my Christian work is making me more Christian.

Then I have days like these when students are on break and have gone home, classes have been canceled or postponed, or people don't want to learn anymore. I have more free time on my hands than I'm used to, and I'm not using it to read books or study Thai. I'm not doing much at all, and in my wrong way of thinking, not doing equates to not being a good Christian or a good missionary. This makes me depressed, which makes me even more lazy, which makes me do less, which makes feel like less of a Christian, which makes me more depressed (you get the idea).

As I reminded myself yesterday that being Christians is not what you do but who you are (by what Christ has done for us), God gave me a little reminder of the kind of fruitful work that overflows from an assurance of who you are. I went to my Thai class after skipping three of them (two of I skipped because I was fishing), and there was this new caucasian girl in the class. The only available seat was next to her, so I took it. They were going over a packet the teacher had handed out last week, and because the teacher had no more, I had to share with this girl next to me (No this is not a falling in love story).

During break, I found out that she was going to be in the course for a month and I was amazed to find out she knew so much Thai for being here only a month. She was struggling, but she had apparently studied so much to catch up with a class that had been learning for three months (and I've already taken a year of Thai at UCLA - Go Bruins!). She went up to the teacher to get some more help and I happened to glance over at her notebook which lay open on the table.

There was a list of vocabulary words that she had written down for herself to learn later and on it were some English words that she apparently had not found the Thai equivalent for yet.

come - maa
go - pay
broken -
prostitute -
Jesus -

I was like what?! Jesus?! She's Christian?! I talked to her more and found out she had been taking the Teaching English as a Second Language class and was planning to go to Mae Sai in a month to teach English to victims of sex trafficking. She had some kinda contact at Grace International School (school for missionary kids) and was offered a job there, but her heart was for victims of sex trafficking and she turned it down.

I never asked her age, but she looked like my age or maybe still even in college. She wasn't here with an organization and had apparently come by personal means. Yet here she was with a burning desire to learn and master Thai and go reach out to the people that God had burdened her heart with.

So I told her the words for Jesus, God, and grace (I don't know prostitute) and she was quite thankful. But as I sit here writing this post, I'm so thankful to God for putting this girl in the class, even if only for a month, to remind me of the kind of "work" that overflows from one passionate for God. I want have that kind of passion that motivates me to learn as many Thai words about Christianity as I can to share the gospel even by limited means. I'm sure for this girl studying is not a sacrifice or a chore - every word learned is one more bit of joy to share with those around her.

God help me devote my time, energies, and effort to your work here. Let me see the glory of your Son and what He has done to assure me of who I am. I am a new creation. I am a slave to righteousness. Who I am, a child of God, determines what I do. And from this identity, may such a passionate love for you and a burdened heart for your people overflow, so that work or effort would not really be "work."

We're Changing, God is Unchanging - What Good News!

Haha, look at this guy. John Piper at age 31. It was his 30th anniversary a day ago since he became the pastor at Bethlehem Baptist Church and left the world of academics for preaching the glory of Christ. It's hard to imagine someone that I so highly respect and admire at 31, an age where people are still trying to grow up and battle their youthful pride. Piper recounts a story from his seminary days, where he goes up to his professor to argue about human free will and drops a pen defiantly to prove his point saying, "I (not God) dropped it."

Pictures of old people when they were young always makes you consider the weight and reality of time. Time always passes, and people are always changing - either more in accordance to the image of Christ or more in sync with their depraved nature. I was not the same person I was five years ago, nor will I be the same person in five years (even if I choose to go back to the same childish ways). I mean imagine me at 28 acting like I did at 18 - I wouldn't be immature in the sense of an 18 year old, but that immaturity is at an even greater degree because I'm physically 28! Everything changes, from fashion to internet socializing sites (remember friendster?). But if we try to define ourselves in reference to any of these things that sway to and fro on the waves of time, there's no hope for any constancy. Only Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He is the only firm foundation that we can rely on.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German Protestant Christian who was part of the Nazi resistance in World War II, sheds some light on the illusory constancy of this world and the absolute constancy of God in The Cost of Discipleship:

The disciple is dragged out of his relative security into a life of absolute insecurity (that is, in truth, into the absolute security and safety of the fellowship of Jesus), from a life which is observable and calculable (it is, in fact, quite incalculable) into a life where everything is unobservable and fortuitous (that is, into one which is necessary and calculable), out of the realm of finite (which is in truth the infinite) into the realm of infinite possibilities (which is one liberating reality).

How this world so convincingly tells us to put our hope in a nice job or a good husband or wife and when it comes down to it, our own good deeds based on our own standards of good! But we know from the recent recession that finances are never secure; I know from my past relationships that people fail you; and I know from my daily battle with sin that my playing arithmetic with my good and bad deeds will never add up. So often we're so myopic and fail to see beyond ourselves in our actions and the circumstances of our lives - when we succeed and things are going well, we pat ourselves on the back and sink into a contented apathy, and when we fail and things are going badly, we despair like the entire world is falling apart around us. We're so centered on ourselves when we ourselves are always changing that it's no surprise when the gospel according to ourselves fails us.

But the gospel is not according to our "self." What kind of good news is dependent upon uncertain circumstances or inconstant action? The gospel is completely outside of ourselves. It's the good news that the unchanging God has stepped into the ever-changing and fluctuating history of man to accomplish a work that will stand completely on its own! When Paul describes "the gospel preached to you" in 1 Corinthians 15 he says, "Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures." There is no talk whatsoever about anything we did to be rid of our sins and be reconciled with God. Rather, Christ died in our place and was raised by God to be the first-fruit and the hope of our future resurrection. And the fact that it was all "in accordance with the Scriptures" means God is truly unchanging and faithful to his promises, "For all the promises of God find their Yes in [Christ]" (2 Co. 1:20). The only "we," "us," or "our" in the gospel is that we are the recipients of a work done outside of us.

Thus the Bible says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). The only thing we do is to fix our eyes and look at what Christ has done, just as the Israelites looked to the bronze serpent to be healed. Jesus is the author and begins our faith, and he, not we, is the perfecter and finisher of it. He doesn't give us faith and ask us to finish it with our obedience. Jesus creates faith and leads us to continue putting our faith in what Christ has done. From this and only this comes the good fruit of obedience from faith. Jesus is the "rock that is higher than I" (Psalm 61:2) and we must look beyond the rock (really quicksand) of ourselves, to the firm rock and refuge that is Christ.

I remember praying once to God crying out, "Abba, Father!" and I had to stop and think about what it meant to call God my "father." I think parents only naturally have certain expectations and standards for their children as they grow up. Unfortunately children tend to correlate parental love with their obedience or their measuring up to a set standard. And I too often superimpose this image of my earthly father or mother upon the heavenly Father. God loves me but has certain expectations of me. Too bad He calls us to be holy, as He is holy. What an infinitely difficult standard to measure up to. There are some days when I feel like I'm doing well at being holy and I feel loved, and some days when I'm sucking it up and I feel God doesn't love me.

But then I pictured myself not as the twenty-something-year-old Eric, but the seven-year-old Eric. I remembered giving my dad a card for Father's Day where I drew a picture of him behind his office desk. I remembered doing stupid things like parting my hair like an old Korean man, putting on an old pair of my dad's glasses, and wearing shorts and a wife beater to be just like him. The card had no real aesthetic value - you certainly wouldn't see my portrait of my dad in the Getty - but it was the fact my dad loved me which made the card count for anything. When I put on clothes to look like my dad, I'm not a mirror-image of a man; I am small boy trying my hardest to imitate the person I so highly admire. My dad had no requirements for a seven-year-old Eric to earn his love. My dad just loved me because I was his son, completely independent of the crappy artwork on Father's Day cards.

God's love always wants us to change and be transformed into the holy image of his Son, yet God's love is always grounded in the obedience of Christ which lead to our adoption as sons and daughters of God. And I believe God loves us always with the same kind of love (but even more infinitely) that an earthly father has for an child who can produce no real beautiful work or measure up to any real standards.

If Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever, that means the love that God had for me when I was justified by grace through faith in Christ and adopted as his son is the same as the love he has for me now as I am being saved by grace and sanctified and conformed into the image of his Son. And the endless love that God will have for me on that day when all things are made new and my will, desire and actions are made into the likeness of Christ is the same as the love he has for me today, and the day I put my faith in Christ.

I am changing. I am being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another (2 Co. 3:18), but this is because of what God did, what God is doing, and what God will do, not what I did, what I am doing, and what I will do. I'll have good days where I love God and seek him with all my heart and I'll have bad days where He might be the last thing I want. But when I look back to two thousand years ago at what God did through Christ, what hope I have for the future!

Dedicated to Mom and Dad who show me through their love, even if dimly as imperfect humans, the love of God that is unchanging and neverending.


*** edit ***
I've received some complaints that this post is confusing or all over the place and it's true. If I wanted the post to be a little more coherent, I probably never would have talked about John Piper. This post was originally just titled "John Piper" when I found an old picture of him and I wanted to comment on it.
Think of it more as Eric's thought process or thought progression. This is literally how I think about things. So I'll give a little outline map through my thoughts:
1. John Piper - Look how young he is, ha ha. (Originally where I wanted to stop).
2. Hmm, I wonder what he was like when he was younger. Because it's hard to imagine godly men when they were young and sinful right?
3. Man people sure do change a lot - it's actually pretty depressing.
4. Hmm, how does God's immutability or unchanging-ness play into the picture?
5. Oh yeah, Dietrich Bonhoeffer said something cool about the uncertainty and changing nature of a life apart from God. Let's put that in there.
6. So how does the gospel play into this thought about man's mutability and God's immutability? (How the gospel plays into anything in life is always a great question.)
7. The good news of the gospel is planted firmly in something God did in the past, not what we do now to earn salvation.
8. If through the gospel we become children of God, how is God's unchanging nature good news to our fickle nature, even if we're now saved?
9. Hmm, the love of parents for their children even as they grow older seems like a good example.
10. Let's just throw in the picture of me and my parents for good measure. And it reminds me about being loved as a kid. Oh, I should rename my post now.

I'm always a spur of the moment kind of writer, and I was already late for class so I just posted it. I don't think I'll ever go back and revise this into a nice focused piece of writing - but the themes, thoughts and ideas will probably show up in the future in some form or another. Just a good reminder not to post unorganized posts again. =)

Musings from a Lake in Thailand

During the past four days, I had the opportunity and the privilege to tag along with my Thai pastor on a fishing trip somewhere in west central Thailand, along the border of Burma and Thailand. I invited a freshman from Grace Fellowship to come with us because he spoke English pretty well and I wanted to get closer with him. So on Sunday, after church finished, P'Mee (my pastor), View (the freshman), me and three other friends of P'Mee loaded our stuff into a pick-up truck and set off on a supposedly twelve hour journey (it actually took almost fifteen with all the breaks and meals).

View and I sat in the backseat of the truck. It's not one of those comfortable backseats with actual seats and seatbelts, but more like a little bench with a cushion. It was uncomfortable, but seeing that two of P'Mee's friends were going sit in the back of the truck for twelve hours, who was I to complain? At least we had A/C. Then as we started driving and I saw the Burmese day laborers being crammed in the back of trucks, standing exposed to the scorching sun and intermittent rain, I was thankful to God that what I had was probably comparable to a limo ride for Americans.

We arrived around 4:30 AM in the morning on Monday as we made our way to the lakeside. Foolish, American me, I thought there would be some kind of dock or something, but nope just some mud and reeds. I'm not gonna say I'm the cleanliest of folks, and I'm surely not neat (look at my room or my desk), but being a Korean, I like keeping my feet and my clothes clean. I've been on probably over fifty camping trips with Boy Scouts when I was in high-school, so I'm not some newbie when it comes to being in the outdoors. But even during those days, I never sat on the ground or the dirt. I always sat on a nice "cleaner" rock. I'd always take off my shoes before I went into my tent, and I'd never go into my sleeping bag with my dirty outside clothes. (I'm beginning to think maybe I am some kind of clean freak...haha). Bit of a digression, but anyway I had worn my athletic running shoes thinking I could keep my feet clean the entire time I was on this trip. WRONG! Thai people don't wear shoes (unless they're "hi-so" or high society type). They all wear slippers. Everywhere. They play soccer in slippers, they go hiking in slippers...it must be a national footwear. So, I had to just leave my shoes in the truck and put on my slippers that I brought in my bag (Boy Scout motto: Be prepared - in other words, overpack). I actually felt kind of sheepish that I had brought along two bags when everyone else only had one, but whatever, the second backpack was for my bible and my books and snacks so I'm not that high maintenance. So I had to walk through the water to get on the motor boat/canoe that would take us to our boat raft/house.

First lesson about being Thai, don't bother trying to keep your feet clean. That's the reason why there's such a cultural taboo with feet and pointing with your feet or touching things with your feet. Thai people know feet get dirty. (I'm thinking Iris would have a fit - cuz knowing me I'd probably try to put my feet in her blankets after walking around all day barefoot...hahaha. By the way, Iris is leaving to Japan soon, so support her with much love and prayer!)

So I don't remember too much of the first day because I slept pretty much the entire day. I woke up every now and then when someone caught a big fish or something. But man fresh fish for every meal. That is surely one of the highlights of the trip. Oh but after eating, we did the dishes in the lake. The same lake we pooped and peed in. (I forgot to take a picture of the toilet, it's basically a squatty potty that empties into the lake) And halfway through the trip, we ran out of dishwashing soap, so they just rinsed the plates and cups in the lake and let it dry. Often times the cups wouldn't even be washed so ants would crawl all over them. Now in America, when ants get all over my food I think that the food is bad and I throw it away. In Thailand, if ants get all over your food, you just brush it off and eat it. Did I mention the ant infestation on the raft? I got so many ant bites and zero mosquito bites. And the ants were everywhere, but the Thai guys didn't seem to mind. They just sit on top of a pile of ants like it's nothing. And all I can think about is ants crawling up my pants. But what am I to do with my Korean American sensibilities and notions of cleanliness? Paul became like a Jew to the Jews and like a Greek to the Greeks, so I had to be a Thai to the Thais (everyone thinks I look Thai anyway). Yes, I ate out of those dishes and cups and swam and took showers in the lake. I didn't catch any diseases or die. Maybe all the fuss we make about being clean in American or Korean culture is unwarranted. For all I can remember, when I went to the countryside in Korea, they live pretty similarly to Thai people. Maybe the notion of being clean is all in my head. Jesus said being clean is not what you do on the outside but what you do on the inside. (What a great way to take the Bible out of context, I know.)

Four out of five of P'Mee's friends there were not Christian, so I wanted to live out as much Christianity as I could due to my lack of speaking ability. I knew P'Mee would speak and did speak to them at anytime about it. They were such nice people and took care of me, asked me if I needed anything, etc. One time they made a fish dish that was just too spicy and I was dying, so one of the guys made me some eggs to eat instead. I became more and more aware on this trip about my cultural sensibilities that could serve as huge hindering blocks to sharing the gospel. My certain reluctant attitudes - using "unclean" dishes and utensils, or showering in the lake, using the toilet, walking around barefeet - had to die. P'Mee has shared with me before about how Thai people don't like Americans because Americans tend to act like they're better than the Thais. I don't believe this consciously, but isn't that exactly what my actions were showing? "Hey, even though you guys eat out of these dishes and are completely fine, I'm going to be hesitant because my values of cleanliness are better than yours." "I'm going to complain about how uncomfortable the twelve hour ride is - wait you mean it's a fifteen hour ride?! - because in America everyone gets a nice seat and seatbelt and side airbags" "I'm going to try and walk around in my shoes because I think feet being clean is better than feet being dirty." I mean in the end, will it kill you to have dirty feet? Nope. I did the best I could and by no means was I perfectly able to live like the Thais. But think about Jesus coming into the world - the pure, clean, and holy Son of God not counting his equality with God a thing to be grasped, and getting dirty and messy and facing the everyday temptations of man. Did Jesus think he was too good to become man? No, and I couldn't think I was too good to become Thai.

I'm not a fishing fanatic, but I do like being in nature and absorbing the glory of God's creation. So I fished here and there with some small poles and if you check out my facebook album, you'll see the pathetic little fish I caught. But it's okay. Waking up at six in the morning to see the sun rise through the morning mist, listening to the rain pattering onthe raft roof and on the surface of the lake, beholding the sun setting in an orange and red glory over the mountains in the west, it's all worth the trouble. I read two books while I was on the lake - The Bible and the Pleasures of God by John Piper. And now here are my quick reviews:

The Pleasures of God is pretty much John Piper's theology book. And his theology is pretty much God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him. What I love about reading Piper is he's always pushing the reader to look further and beyond the limits of what we know and have experienced. Piper doesn't dwell in the everyday practicalities of being a Christian any longer than he needs to. And for an idealistic person like me, his writing resounds with something in my soul. God is infinitely powerful and glorious and he is our greatest satisfaction. Ask me for a Christian book that will feed your soul and I'll point you to Piper. Using more than just intellectual words and thoughts, he attempts to help your soul savor and experiencing what knowing Christ is. After I finished his section on how prayer glorifies God, I ended up praying for an hour while everyone was sleeping. He's that good at showing how God is good.

As for the Bible, I read through the major and minor prophets, which is something I think I've never done in my life. I've studied New Testament and I love to read it because it's something that makes sense to me. I use history and theology and all that to understand the gospels and the letters and it brings me joy to understand what the writers were talking about in their own context. But I probably don't like the prophets the same reason I don't like Revelations, I just can't understand it! And that's my flaw because I worry too much about understanding a passage rather than letting the passage speak to me. But as I read through the writings of the prophets, I just turned that side of my brain off and tried to appreciate the literary and metaphorical aspects of those books. Here's some things I learned:

1. You almost get depressed by how much God is angry about sin. Almost sick of it. It goes on and on about how Israel was unfaithful and how God will punish unfaithfulness. But it's a great reminder that our God is a holy God. His holiness cannot stand the slightest bit of sin's presence. I think we read so much about the love and grace of God and forget what His love and grace is actually saving us from, which is wrath and indignation towards rebellion and lawlessness. The prophets remind us we fall absolutely short of the glory of God.

2. Amidst this sea of depressing talk of sin and punishment, you'll find islands of promise of salvation. And especially when you know these promises are not just given to Israel, but that they are new covenant promises of Jesus, you're just amazed at how God was able to speak about Jesus hundreds of years before he was even born. (One particular favorite of mine is Ezekiel 34. It's a great one for leaders.) God was relentless in his condemnation of Israel, but He knew without the life-giving, obedience-producing Spirit of the new covenant, man could not work their way to God. So God gives promises of a future relentless love in Christ Jesus as a hope to Israel, and now the church.

3. Reading the prophets really puts "the fear of the LORD" in perspective doesn't it? Without the righteousness we have in Christ, I would not want to come before the glory of God. I mean look at what Isaiah writes in Isaiah 6. "Woe is me!" But knowing the love of God we have through Christ, this fear of God is something to be praised and loved and be in awe of. Piper gives the example of being on the ledge of a cliff by the sea during a thunderstorm and fearing for your life as the fear of God without Christ. But knowing Christ is like being taken into the safety of a cave on that cliff and watching the thunderstorm and still feeling the fear of what it's able to do while feeling the safety and dryness of the cave. What an amazing, fearful God we serve!

4. It's always fun to find passages that New Testament writers quoted, or songwriters use. I underlined those.

So I truly realized how important it is for all of us to just get away from the hustle and bustle of life and work and family and school and ministry and just spend sometime doing nothing - that is doing nothing with God. My soul was refreshed and during my times of reading and praying God gave me so many ideas for ministry and reassurances of what I was doing and why I was here. Sometimes we just need to take a breather and breathe God..haha.

I returned from the trip yesterday with a bruised tailbone and sore gluteous muscles from sitting in the back "seat" of the truck. I really couldn't sit down unless I sat in some weird position. I was literally about to scream by hour ten. I sat on my pillow and I adjusted every five minutes, but I was dying. It didn't help that we had two extra guys return with us. And that already small back "seat" was now occupied by me, View AND P'Mee. That return trip almost ruined the great four days I had at the lake...almost.

Last note of thought: I turned on my computer after returning and checked my google reader to find over 150 unread blogposts. I know I wrote about how great reading blogs were, but I want to make a clarification. The blogging world is tied inextricably with the fast paced world that we live in. You literally have to fight to stay with the flow. I realize I didn't need to real ALL those blogs and I unsubscribed from some. A few. I mean was I really missing out on all that much, compared to reading the Pleasures of God on a lake or reading the Prophets as the sun rises and falls? I don't think so.

Well that was long and fun, I hope you enjoy as much as I enjoyed my trip.

Writing with a sore tailbone,
Eric

Pictures are UP from Fishing Trip!

You like my new blog background picture? Check out some more at my facebook.

My Facebook
The Photo Album

I will blog soon about the trip. Stay posted!

Living With No Regrets

2 Corinthians 7:10
"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death."

The life of a man controlled by the sinful nature is one filled with many worldly griefs. This man has placed his ultimate source of worth and satisfaction in the things of this world and naturally those things have failed him. He has built his shelter on the sands of physical beauty, only to have it washed away by the ebbing waves of time. He has found refuge in the caves of earthly pleasure, but darkness conceals its foul contents. He has placed his trust in his finite possessions only to have them destroyed by moth and rust. Woe and grief fills the heart of the man who has tasted every pleasure under the sun and has climbed to the loftiest peaks of human wisdom, yet at the end of his life cries, "Meaningless!"

Wretched is the one who sees the goodness of God, vows to follow the Lord, and yet is filled with regret. A pillar of salt is all that remains of the one who flees from the wickedness of Sodom and Gomorrah yet turns to look back at the life left behind. This man attempts to walk between this world and the next, fooling himself into thinking he can get the best of both. But alas, the regrets of the life left behind taints his every drink of the sweet living water; his guilty conscience haunts him as he tries to fully partake inthe world. He does not know what he truly wants and is a slave to the torn desires that wages war in his soul.

But blessed is he who has not only seen but has tasted that the Lord is good. The Spirit has shone forth so much revealing light and truth into his heart that he despairs at the wretchedness of his sinful condition. God has produced a godly grief, a holy frustration, a righteous dissatisfaction with the sin that has entangled every aspect of his life. Looking inward, this man woefully cries out in godly grief, "Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" and looking upward to the cross shouts forth glorious praise, "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!" His eyes have seen the King, he has glimpsed the Lord's glory, and there is no turning back. His repentance is a complete turn away from this world, and counts all things as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus. He has found the pearl of great price. He has uncovered the hidden treasure in the field and has left all behind to keep it. This blessed man has a salvation without regret. He forgets what lies behind and strains forward to what lies ahead.

Let us be this man who realizes he is not who he wants to be nor what he was made to be, understands that he could never do enough to attain righteousness alone, and throws himself at the utter mercy of God to be molded and shaped into the likeness of the Lord Jesus Christ. Let us seek daily after the unsearchable riches of Christ, never regretting having left behind our old lives to follow the King of Kings.

To live is Christ, and to die is gain.

(Spiritual) Poverty will come upon you like a robber....

That man Joshua Harris is talking about is me. It's amazing how the sinful heart of man can take something good (like spiritually edifying or nourishing blogs) and find ways to replace God with it. Using my ESV Study Bible Online probably doesn't help because I'm always, always tempted and fall into temptation to check other things while I'm reading.

Proverbs 24:33-34
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come upon you like a robber,
and want like an armed man.

Brothers and sisters, let us take heed from these words of wisdom, lest spiritual poverty come upon us. Let us refuse to give Satan a foothold in our lives, or compromise anything to sin. God help us in our apathy and complacency and lead us daily to the rock upon which we must desperately cling!