Evangelism - A Lifestyle of Intentional Relationship: A Learning in Progress

First of all, now that I'm trying write in a blog semi-consistently, I truly appreciate and admire people like John Piper who can write a new blog like everyday. Granted it's not super long, but it's consistent. I can't imagine trying to consistently put up daily something thought provoking or meaningful. Because my life isn't filled with as many meaningful or thoughtful moments as I'd like. Or maybe I just don't sit and reflect enough. And the last thing I want this blog to turn into is anything like my junior high xanga (Today, I did this...and this...and this...it was fun).

Anyway, the reason why I have not had that much to write about is that I just haven't been doing much. The past week, I hung out with a short-term team from Crossway Church and helped them do ministry. But they left today, and now I'm back to the usual routine. Except, there is no real routine in place yet. In the previous post, I posted a hypothetical schedule that has yet to be fully realized. In the meanwhile, it seems that I'm just waiting.

It's a very depressing waiting, and I guess I understand in a very small sense the reason why old people die quicker if they retire earlier - there's no desire to live a life that lacks purpose. Too morbid? Nah.

I think back in the states the kind of ministry I did was always outlined neatly in terms of what I had to do, what I could not do, what I should do, etc. And so I've been stuck in that mode of waiting for someone to tell me what to do. It's not necessarily because I'm lazy. Back when I used to lead LA Recomm, one of my mottos was "Just because it's been done a certain way, doesn't mean it always has to be that way" or "Just because no one's doing it or it's never been done before, doesn't mean I can't start it." I know how to be proactive when I need to be. I've been a little more cautious on how proactive I wanted to be because I didn't want to come in with my Westernized or Korean-American church culture and ministry syle and start doing things the way I've always done it before. One thing that I learned early in my first month with STEM was that much of what I learned about how to do ministry in America doesn't apply here.

But I still fell into this kind of trap where I told myself I would start going full out once the schedule got going. And as the schedule kept lagging, it gave me an excuse to waste a lot of my time. I believe that the problem was that I saw ministry too much as work. Say I weren't in Thailand right now and instead at some 8 to 5 job. Technically, I'm supposed to work hard between those hours but when I check out of work, I don't need to work anymore. But what about people whose work is ministry? Sure people who do ministry as a living have set schedules with meetings and events and downtime in between, but I've realized that's very much an American or Korean-American ministry lifestyle. And I don't make any judgment on that - I actually want to know that when an event ends I can just go home and have alone time.

When short-term team missions come, the receiving Thai church changes its normal way of doing things to best utilize the short-termers. This means a lot events and structured scheduling, like what we're used to in the states. I've often wondered about what happened once we left and I heard some things before, but now that I'm at the other end, it's kind of shocking. The reality of it all hits you like a brick. Most, if not all of the friends that short-termers made, simply stop coming out to the church. We try hard to get our new friends connected with the church so that when we leave they might stay, but maybe we just don't have enough time, or maybe the culture just doesn't work that way. (And I'm not saying in anyway that short-term missions is bad. I think there are pros and cons, but in the end, if the good didn't outweigh the bad, there wouldn't be teams. And I don't want to elaborate on that because I digress enough as it is. Maybe another day.)

In reality, ministry outside of the jam-packed hustle bustle of short-term missions is quite boring. There's plenty of time to fill, but not necessarily much to do in terms of events. At Grace Fellowship, there are events, but for most of the rest of the time the church is just open to all. People come and do their homework, play games, and hang out. And the more I continue to have a mentality that I don't need to be out there making and building relationships outside the start and finish of an event, the less evangelism becomes a lifestyle and the more evangelism becomes a job or a duty. And after many convoluted thoughts and much digression I arrive at my main point. Haha.

I title this blog "Evangelism - A Lifestyle of Intentional Relationship" because I'm starting to realize more that perhaps I had it all wrong and that I need to embrace a new way of "doing ministry." Especially for me as I'm planning to go into full-time ministry, if I don't shed this work mentality for a lifestyle mentality, I will be a poor and ineffective minister. I think I've written before about how important relationship is in ministry, but I reiterate the point: Authentic ministry is relational ministry. And relationships don't have a stop and start. A husband can't just put his wife on pause to have "single" time. No one clocks in and out of being a parent, or a husband or a friend. It's a commitment you make and time should be flexible around these important people.

Obviously there will be times when I need some time to rest or just be alone, but I admit there were plenty of other times when I could have been downstairs where church members were hanging out and I simply chose not to. Because maintaining relationships is tiring as it is. But when you seek to have intentional relationships whether it be from Christian to non-Christian, peer to peer, mentor to mentee, it's downright draining. At least for me it is. Yet that's the cost of evangelism, especially in Thailand, and I'm pretty sure it still applies in America. I think it's more than just a contextual or cultural truth. How am I supposed to share the truth with someone I'm not talking to? And why will the truth matter to someone whom I have not built trust and credibility with? I think about Jesus spending three years with just twelve thick-headed, ordinary men and turning them into passionate disciples. It did not happen in a brief stroke or an emotional event. It was a slow, strenuous, time-consuming, energy-exerting change (think about Peter and his bold declarations and failures, and ultimately what he becomes). Jesus put up with all those failures, and continued to pray for them. The Great Shepherd knew the real cost of discipleship (and discipling).

Truly a lesson in progress. I wasted enough time as it is in college for myself and doing literally nothing in my room. I refuse to waste another year, especially here in Thailand with people supporting me and praying for me. I ask for you, reader, to pray for me as I seek to learn how to live a lifestyle of evangelism rather than doing the duty or work of evangelism. And I pray that my dear friends at home would learn the same lesson with me as we faithfully fulfill what Jesus has commanded each and everyone of us - Go and make disciples of all nations.

Seeking to live rather than work,
Eric