It's been a long time blog. Too long?
Quite frankly, I'm writing my first post in over a month with hesitation and fear. I love putting into words the different thoughts that have been jumbling around in my head. I love sharing the different experiences, emotions and feelings that God has given me with people back at home. But blogging, that is sharing things God has been teaching me, comes with a deep deep price.
I don't know about other people, but I am a very prideful person. My nature is adverse to humility and arrogance courses through my veins. And what horrifies me the most is that I have the uncanny ability to take something beautiful that God has given me or has taught me, and turn it into something that glorifies not God, but myself. I am blessed by God. I am blessed when I share my blessings with others. But rather than continually looking toward God for more blessings, I become satisfied with not what God has done or is doing, but what God has done or is doing through me.
And the thing about blogging is that I don't like writing about lessons God is teaching me in the middle of it. I like going through the entire experience, then reflecting back upon all that has happened and creating a nice beginning, middle, and end. Unfortunately, when I'm mid-trial or tribulation, I don't feel much like writing. So here's a secret: if you haven't seen me blog for a while, I probably don't feel like I'm at a point where I should be blogging. And this vicious cycle continues where I blog, become proud of what I've learned, become independent from God, fall hard, don't blog, recover, and blog again. So I have a lot to share from the past month which I'll try updating topically, but please please, pray that blogging would not become a source of pride and self-satisfaction. I would love to share all the blessings I've received, but I can't if my blessings turn into my own curse.
I am reminded of Jeremiah 2:13 because I commit two evils: forsaking God, the fountain of living waters and hewing out cisterns that hold no water for myself. The picture I see in my head is something like drinking crystal clear, mountain spring water and then being proud that I sweat it out. Then I proceed to satisfy and sustain myself on my own sweat. Maybe a better example would be drinking one's urine. Or the biblical example would be the dog returning to its vomit right? Whatever the case, God's grace flowing out from us is not meant to feed us. Yes we are blessed when God uses sinful creatures like us for His will, but it's supposed to make us look continually to God, not ourselves.
Anyway, Song Kim (Missionary Daniel's wife) said something quite profound to me last night and I want to leave with this: "There's a kind of faith that grows in the context of church and being surrounded by Christians, and there's a kind of faith that grows on the mission field. The kind of faith that grows on the mission field has to be a deep faith."
I'd say January had to be the toughest month for me in Thailand. Maybe it's the six month wall or that I have a huge slump every winter time starting from my freshman year in college. Actually, this past month was the toughest month of my life. All the other times I had my friends and my pastors and my church to fall back upon, places and people to nurture and take of me. And I grew during those times. But this past month was so, so hard. Perhaps it was the sovereign plan of the Lord for me to go through this during a time when everyone back home gets to be uber-blessed from two weeks of teuksae and prayer and sermons. And this was my first month living in my apartment so I was never home to talk to people at home. And people were probably tired from teuksae so they weren't online to talk anyway. And Satan used the new year with all my self-effort, self-induced goals and ambitions to bring all my failures crashing down on me.
Whatever the case, I had nobody but God in the spiritual wilderness. And I understand now just a taste of what the missionary's faith requires: a deep deep foundation and rooted-ness in the vine that is Christ. There's no water in the desert, that's why cacti have freaking deep roots. So hopefully God made me more like a cactus.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Santa = Satan?
Whoa whoa whoa Eric, are you talking about Jolly Ole St. Nick? Kris Kringle? Santa, Santa Claus?! How dare you equate a cherished and beloved symbol of the Christmas season with the Father of Lies, the Prince of Darkness? Come it's not like we're worshiping Santa Claus. We know he's not real, it's just something fun we do like the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny (Don't you know that Jesus and his disciples painted eggs together at the Last Supper?). You don't need to go all extreme and make things black and white. All in good fun, all in good fun.
Haha, I agree but here are my reservations:
1. We can kind of safely have these pseudo-symbols or characters on religious holidays like Christmas and Easter because America is a Christian-ish country. And by that I mean, we're now labeled post-Christian, but there's cultural, symbolic, and moralistic residue left over from when America used to be very Christian. So for the Christians at least, it might be something Christians kind of play along with but everyone knows God is the only true and living God and that Jesus is the reason for the season. And for non-Christians, Santa can be something to give some kind of meaning to their holiday break from work (as far as I know, no Asian countries give Christmas day off).
2. It might be more okay in America to just play along with these kinds of things because Western materialistic worldview discredits the supernatural as a given. At a certain age, no one's really going to believe that tooth fairies, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny exists. However, in a more pantheistic, spiritual/animistic Eastern/Asian worldview everything is and can be a god and is able to be worshiped. For example, P'Mee shared with me once that if you take a funny shaped rock, say it brings good luck and give it to an animistic Thai, they'll put it up on their shelf of religious objects and believe that it's going to give you good luck. If you come and say a statue changed your life, they'll take the statue and worship that. If you give them the Bible and say that it changed your life, they.... no they don't take that one.
So let's look at the nature and powers of Santa:
1. Possibly immortal as he's been handing out presents for hundreds of years.
2. Has the power of flight
3. Possibly omnipresent, especially if he's going to every child's house in one night. Or the power of super-speed.
4. Possibly has the power of teleportation, especially when your apartment doesn't have a chimney. (Maybe he's just good at picking locks)
5. Omniscient - He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good... So be good for goodness' sake.
6. Apparently works according to the universal moral law. If you're good, you get a good gift. If you're bad, you get coal. What if you're really bad, like evil? It's been discussed, you get coal. (Five points to anyone who knows where that line is from.)
a. However, he doesn't seem to keep a real list, or is quite gracious because everyone seems to get gifts on Christmas morning. (Except that one time when I went on vacation to Las Vegas with my family and my mom said Santa wouldn't come follow us on vacation.)
Sounds like a god to me. I'm not writing this post to point fingers at America and Christians who celebrate Santa with their kids and tell them they're worshiping Satan. I'm not that crazy. But it's interesting to take a look at Santa from the Thai perspective and understand exactly why the Christian church would dare not bring Santa into any type of Christian tradition. They have their own cultural residue that they need to get rid of and to bring in an imported tradition that could possibly be received through a spiritual/animistic worldview doesn't sound too safe. Thai Buddhists look at Christianity through their worldview anyway - either something to be rejected or just another way to nirvana. I'm sure there's enough confusion trying to explain the idea of a personal creator God and the reason why we need the gospel, so to add Santa is quite unwise.
Is Santa Satan? Is it coincidence that they use the SAME LETTERS?! I'm not going to shove my opinion down anyone's throats but as you make your opinion for yourself, let us consider who we worship and what this Christmas season is for. Not a jolly old fat man with super powers, but a man who "had no form or majesty that we should look at him and no beauty that we should desire him," a "man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." A man "wounded for our transgressions...crushed for our iniquities," and by whose stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53)
This season is about Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
(Philippians 2:6-11)
Glory to God in the highest!
Haha, I agree but here are my reservations:
1. We can kind of safely have these pseudo-symbols or characters on religious holidays like Christmas and Easter because America is a Christian-ish country. And by that I mean, we're now labeled post-Christian, but there's cultural, symbolic, and moralistic residue left over from when America used to be very Christian. So for the Christians at least, it might be something Christians kind of play along with but everyone knows God is the only true and living God and that Jesus is the reason for the season. And for non-Christians, Santa can be something to give some kind of meaning to their holiday break from work (as far as I know, no Asian countries give Christmas day off).
2. It might be more okay in America to just play along with these kinds of things because Western materialistic worldview discredits the supernatural as a given. At a certain age, no one's really going to believe that tooth fairies, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny exists. However, in a more pantheistic, spiritual/animistic Eastern/Asian worldview everything is and can be a god and is able to be worshiped. For example, P'Mee shared with me once that if you take a funny shaped rock, say it brings good luck and give it to an animistic Thai, they'll put it up on their shelf of religious objects and believe that it's going to give you good luck. If you come and say a statue changed your life, they'll take the statue and worship that. If you give them the Bible and say that it changed your life, they.... no they don't take that one.
So let's look at the nature and powers of Santa:
1. Possibly immortal as he's been handing out presents for hundreds of years.
2. Has the power of flight
3. Possibly omnipresent, especially if he's going to every child's house in one night. Or the power of super-speed.
4. Possibly has the power of teleportation, especially when your apartment doesn't have a chimney. (Maybe he's just good at picking locks)
5. Omniscient - He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good... So be good for goodness' sake.
6. Apparently works according to the universal moral law. If you're good, you get a good gift. If you're bad, you get coal. What if you're really bad, like evil? It's been discussed, you get coal. (Five points to anyone who knows where that line is from.)
a. However, he doesn't seem to keep a real list, or is quite gracious because everyone seems to get gifts on Christmas morning. (Except that one time when I went on vacation to Las Vegas with my family and my mom said Santa wouldn't come follow us on vacation.)
Sounds like a god to me. I'm not writing this post to point fingers at America and Christians who celebrate Santa with their kids and tell them they're worshiping Satan. I'm not that crazy. But it's interesting to take a look at Santa from the Thai perspective and understand exactly why the Christian church would dare not bring Santa into any type of Christian tradition. They have their own cultural residue that they need to get rid of and to bring in an imported tradition that could possibly be received through a spiritual/animistic worldview doesn't sound too safe. Thai Buddhists look at Christianity through their worldview anyway - either something to be rejected or just another way to nirvana. I'm sure there's enough confusion trying to explain the idea of a personal creator God and the reason why we need the gospel, so to add Santa is quite unwise.
Is Santa Satan? Is it coincidence that they use the SAME LETTERS?! I'm not going to shove my opinion down anyone's throats but as you make your opinion for yourself, let us consider who we worship and what this Christmas season is for. Not a jolly old fat man with super powers, but a man who "had no form or majesty that we should look at him and no beauty that we should desire him," a "man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." A man "wounded for our transgressions...crushed for our iniquities," and by whose stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53)
This season is about Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
(Philippians 2:6-11)
Glory to God in the highest!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Eric's Book Corner - 12/14/09
Because of all the new books people sent and plenty of ample time for reading (although I'm still not reading as much as I'd like), I want to just give some summaries or ratings of different books that I've read while I'm here.
My Rating: 4.5/5
Probably the first book I finished in Thailand as I tried to cultivate a heart for missions. Let the Nations Be Glad is an amazing book that points to the glory of God in all things, and how missions plays into that. I mean who hasn't heard the line "Missions exist because worship does not"? Piper as always writes seeking to take his readers beyond just contentment and satisfaction in relative standards to seeing God through the standard of the ultimate and the infinite. You just want to see the bigger picture in the entire plan of God and his purpose for missions. There were so many chapters where after I finished I had to just stop and pray. And to me that's the mark of a great great book. I would give the book a five out of five just because I'm biased towards Piper, but the entire middle section becomes quite heady and academic because Piper takes the effort to biblically support the doctrines of eternal damnation and the definition of "nations" as ethnic people groups through exegesis of original Greek. I know no Greek and as nerdy as I am, that part just got really boring. But the first and last third of the book is quite great. I suggest you go pick up a copy now!
My Rating: 3.5/5
I absolute loved Tozer's The Pursuit of God and I remember PJ recommending this book if you wanted to know more about the attributes of God. It's not a bad book by any means, but Tozer does write from half a century ago and even though that doesn't seem like a lot, a book just has to be amazing to outlast the influences of an ever-changing language (To me, C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity is an example). Tozer goes through around twenty different attributes and takes the time to make sure that knowledge about the attributes of God will not be head knowledge but heart knowledge. He wants the reader to learn about a unique attribute of God and overflow in exultant worship. Maybe because I've read books on attributes of God before and I didn't try hard enough to make this into heart-knowledge, but nothing really spoke out to me. However, if you would like to study the attributes of God for the first time it might be worth your time.
My Rating: 5/5
The second in Piper's trilogy (Desiring God, The Pleasures of God, Future Grace), Piper takes a whole book to talk about just why God is most glorified when He is most satisfied in himself - a corollary from Piper's famous line "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him" from Desiring God. I let a friend borrow the book so I can't be more detailed about it, but Piper's chapter on how prayer glorifies God was another one of those things you read and you can't help but pray for an hour after. The book also gives Piper's answers on things like election (and how God is glorified in it) as well as the two wills of God (like can the love in John 3:16 be applicable to all or only God's chosen elect?). Again, I'm giving this book a biased rating because I want everyone to go pick up a copy. But really, go out and pick up one of his three most famous books (among many others).
My Rating: 5/5
I rate this book high because it's just something I really really needed to read at this point in my walk and if you're like me, this book is a must read. The deepening of my walk with God began on a very intellectual basis, starting with like intro books to Reformed Theology by R.C. Sproul in my sophomore year. I'm kind of a rational, logical kind of guy when it comes to how I see things anyway so I ate up these kinds of theology or apologetics books. But somewhere in that development, I developed a rational framework to deny the power of the Holy Spirit. And it's something along the lines of "I know that logically God can do anything like heal or perform miracles today, but I just don't believe God will use me to do it." Jack Deere points out how statements or beliefs like these aren't really beliefs in the power of God that God still does work through the giftings of the Holy Spirit today powerfully and supernaturally. This entire realm of the Holy Spirit is still quite a mystery to me, but I agree with Deere when he argues that the gospel is powerfully supported through signs and wonders, although he makes it clear that ultimately God must open hearts to the message itself. So for all who feel trapped in a logical rational Christianity (which isn't necessarily bad) and want a biblically supported argument for exploring the power of the Holy Spirit, I recommend this book.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Making Every Moment Count
As mentioned in the previous blog, Grace Fellowship had a going home party for Jinny on December 11, 2009. The students made a slideshow of her and we went around sharing some memories, feelings and words of appreciation. Then Jinny was able to give her testimony (translated by P'Koy), with the last section of encouragement given in Thai by herself - something she had memorized in the back of the truck on the way to and from Pai.
This is the second going home party I've been to, the first one being for Chungwon, a volunteer from Korea. And at both parties, sometime during or near the end of the entire going around in a circle and sharing part, I have some kind of mental flash forward imagining my own going home party. (Is that rude of me to wander off into my own thoughts? Or egotistical that it would be a daydream about a party for me? hahaha) But in all seriousness, I don't think about it because I like the idea of a party for me or because I would want people to cry and make me feel special or something, but I think about it because in these moments I realize a culmination of experiences, relationships, feelings and emotions from the entire past year or months is coming together for half an hour of sharing. How do you put into words the kind of things someone has taught you, the kind of character they displayed, and the kind of memories you shared in a few minutes while still letting them know how important they were to you?
These moments always put some burden on my heart as I think about whether I've been making the same kind of impact or making the relationships in the same way. Again, not because I want to say I've touched someone's heart so much that they cannot help but tear up, but because I realize I have a limited amount of time here and if I'm not diligent and wise about the way I spend my time and make/sustain relationships, an entire year could have gone to waste for me and for people I've gotten to know in Thailand. I think the closest example for people back home could be being a part of doing ministry in eCollege, although you can still see the same people after you go to NEXT.
Sometimes we feel like we can always leave issues or matters, especially in relationships, for later because we don't often have to experience the paradigm changing effects of parting forever. It's only when you realize that you might never see someone again that you would be willing to swallow your pride or put petty differences aside, especially when it's someone that is deeply cared about. Or we might not take the initiative in making new deep relationships when we think some person will be around for a while. But the effects of realizing you may never see someone again are truly eye-opening in the way you look at the way you spend your time or maintain relationships.
One of my favorite passages from Acts comes from chapter 20. Paul is about to leave the church in Ephesus not knowing whether he'll ever return and shares some examples from his ministry, some warnings and admonitions. Afterward, three years of ministry in Ephesus culminates into this powerful and moving scene:
If you had to leave your friends, people you were ministering to and even acquaintances tomorrow, what would be their lasting image of you? I guess this is the question that runs through my mind during these going home parties. Has what I've done here mattered in an ultimate eternal sense? Has anyone's lives been changed or influenced (although not by the virtue of my own goodness, but Christ in me)? It's a good reminder to make every moment count.
This is the second going home party I've been to, the first one being for Chungwon, a volunteer from Korea. And at both parties, sometime during or near the end of the entire going around in a circle and sharing part, I have some kind of mental flash forward imagining my own going home party. (Is that rude of me to wander off into my own thoughts? Or egotistical that it would be a daydream about a party for me? hahaha) But in all seriousness, I don't think about it because I like the idea of a party for me or because I would want people to cry and make me feel special or something, but I think about it because in these moments I realize a culmination of experiences, relationships, feelings and emotions from the entire past year or months is coming together for half an hour of sharing. How do you put into words the kind of things someone has taught you, the kind of character they displayed, and the kind of memories you shared in a few minutes while still letting them know how important they were to you?
These moments always put some burden on my heart as I think about whether I've been making the same kind of impact or making the relationships in the same way. Again, not because I want to say I've touched someone's heart so much that they cannot help but tear up, but because I realize I have a limited amount of time here and if I'm not diligent and wise about the way I spend my time and make/sustain relationships, an entire year could have gone to waste for me and for people I've gotten to know in Thailand. I think the closest example for people back home could be being a part of doing ministry in eCollege, although you can still see the same people after you go to NEXT.
Sometimes we feel like we can always leave issues or matters, especially in relationships, for later because we don't often have to experience the paradigm changing effects of parting forever. It's only when you realize that you might never see someone again that you would be willing to swallow your pride or put petty differences aside, especially when it's someone that is deeply cared about. Or we might not take the initiative in making new deep relationships when we think some person will be around for a while. But the effects of realizing you may never see someone again are truly eye-opening in the way you look at the way you spend your time or maintain relationships.
One of my favorite passages from Acts comes from chapter 20. Paul is about to leave the church in Ephesus not knowing whether he'll ever return and shares some examples from his ministry, some warnings and admonitions. Afterward, three years of ministry in Ephesus culminates into this powerful and moving scene:
And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship. (Acts 20:36-38)Paul was a man whose pastoral care and love can be seen when he expressed to the church in Corinth that he would "most gladly spend and be spent for [their] souls" (2 Cor. 12:15). And here in Acts 20 is the result of being spent for his sheep, as all whose lives were changed, impacted and touched by Paul's ministry weeps, embraces and kisses him not knowing whether they would see him again.
If you had to leave your friends, people you were ministering to and even acquaintances tomorrow, what would be their lasting image of you? I guess this is the question that runs through my mind during these going home parties. Has what I've done here mattered in an ultimate eternal sense? Has anyone's lives been changed or influenced (although not by the virtue of my own goodness, but Christ in me)? It's a good reminder to make every moment count.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Pictures from Pai
From December 10 to 11, I was able to go with some students from Far Eastern University to the scenic mountain village of Pai. It was a great opportunity to take in some beautiful sights, hold a day camp for some Thai/Chinese students, and show the students from Far Eastern University some of the kind of work Christians do as the gospel overflows in our lives.
Check out the pictures on Facebook.
I survived 762 curves on the way to Pai and another 762 on the way back.
A big holler to Paul TJ Park for teaching me how to drive stick and Grace Lee for refining my skills.
But I had to learn how to do inclines by myself. That was scary, but fun. (No stalling!)
Also included, pictures from Jinny's going-home party.
Check out the pictures on Facebook.
I survived 762 curves on the way to Pai and another 762 on the way back.
A big holler to Paul TJ Park for teaching me how to drive stick and Grace Lee for refining my skills.
But I had to learn how to do inclines by myself. That was scary, but fun. (No stalling!)
Also included, pictures from Jinny's going-home party.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Thanks Everyone!
First of all, thanks to everyone who sent all the gifts and goodies with my family. You know who you are. I know who you are. haha.
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