Sometimes I just have to take time to learn what I'm writing about rather than writing about what I learn.

Talk About A Bad Day

Today, Grace Fellowship held a special Korean Night where we ate Korean food, played games and sang Korean songs. The kimchi-jjigae was delicious and the songs were festive, yet I noticed one of the Thai students walking in late with a dejected look on her face. She is one of the new believers and is usually happy, present at all the meetings and enjoys singing all the songs. But today, she ate in the kitchen, didn't participate in the games and sat in a corner sadly drifting away into her thoughts.

So afterward I went up to her and asked how she was doing.
(In Thai)
"How was your day?"
"Good."
"I don't believe you. You look sad. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I don't believe you, something happened today huh?"

She finally let down her wall of solitude and with her eyes glistening shared with me about a horrible day. Things like not liking her school situation. Having go to some far location to do her field studies. Waiting for an hour to catch a songtaew (taxi truck) and then paying a ridiculous 100 baht for the ride (usually around 30).
(There was some more I couldn't catch because it was in Thai.)

After the night ended, I chatted with her through Skype and she asked me, "Why?" "Why would God allow this?" "What is God's plan?"

(Now this is the same girl who excitedly shared with me about how her sister had an experience of praying to God to find her lost keys. She's shared with me before about how when she was not yet Christian, she came to believe there was a God because she prayed to Him and He answered.)

My answer to her question:
"I'm happy for you."
"Why?"
"Now that you have been Christian for a little bit and learned about God more, when things like this happen and you have bad days, these are the times when God really becomes precious and beautiful. These are the times when things don't go right, but you know God is good. It's in times like these you grow more, you trust God more, you love God more."
"But I still want to know why? I wonder about his plan."
"Sometimes God tells us why, sometimes He doesn't. But he does promise us in his word that He will do all things for the good of those who have been called according to his purpose. Sometimes God does things that may not seem good to us but is ultimately for our greater good. One day you will look back and understand why God did this or allowed that to happen."

(During the Korean Night, we watched a youtube video of a Korean woman who had suffered massive 3rd degree burns, permanently disfiguring her appearance, yet still praising God and thanking Him for her life.)

"After I saw that video, I realized the things that happened to me are so small. I feel good about my decision to come to Grace Fellowship tonight."
"Yeah, maybe God wanted to show you today that even in our worst days, when we think of what Jesus did on the cross, it's really not that bad. Jesus had a REALLY bad day, you know what I mean?"
"Yeah, that's why the thing that happened to me today is so small if I compare it to what happened to Jesus. I need read the Bible more to answer what his purpose is."


It's amazing how our big, daunting, depressing, hopeless, terrifying situations and circumstances become small, insignificant, and trivial when we come to His word and read about our mighty, powerful and sovereign God who holds out his amazing promises of joy and peace that transcends all understanding.

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Loy Krathong Festival

Caption: I stole this photo of "khom fai" (sky lanterns) from wikipedia because my crappy camera can't do the festival justice. (Am I gonna get in trouble? I hope not.)

Other photos taken by me at my Facebook album.

The past three days in Chiang Mai was the Loy Krathong Festival. Loy Krathong means "floating banana tree trunk raft" and is "decorated with elaborately folded banana leaves, flowers, candles, incense sticks, etc" (Wikipedia...ahahah).

Here's a picture I took of the Krathong that is not yet "Loy"ing (floating) on a river. It's actually a Krathong yuu bon dto (Krathong on a table).

Before us short-term missionaries went out to the festival, we prayed for spiritual protection and an awareness/understanding of some of the things we would see. God reminded me that He created the diverse cultures of the world, each containing a shell of the beauty that came from being created in the image of God. Even though some of the rituals or actions may now be against God, God wants to redeem all the cultures of the world so that in the end of days, the diversity of mankind (people from every nation, tribe, and tongue) will come together to worship God.

Anyway, the festival was loud and exciting like an American Independence Day, except with illegal fireworks. I'm sure there were some M80 type firecrackers and bottle rockets (that some Thai kids throw at you while you're driving by on your motorcycle!). The festivities continue late into the night and as the last of the sky lanterns turn into tiny specks of light in the night sky, you can hear the bomb-like explosions and shrieking squeals of fireworks still going off. Cacophonous Thai music with bouncy rhythmic beats color the sounds of people as they excitedly twirl sparklers around, set off fire crackers, and light the sky lanterns that come in an assortment of colors.

A parade began on a street perpendicular to the one we were standing on. Columns of Thais in traditional clothing walked by, with some carrying ornately dressed children on their shoulders. Colorful floats with elephants (the Thai national animal) and miniature temple-shaped buildings passed by as well. (see picture below)


Anyway, Wikipedia describes Loy Krathong:

Apart from venerating the Buddha with light (the candle on the raft), the act of floating away the candle raft is symbolic of letting go of all one's grudges, anger and defilement, so that one can start life afresh on a better foot. People will also cut their fingernails and hair and add them to the raft as a symbol of letting go of the bad parts of oneself. Many Thai believe that floating a krathong will create good luck, and they do it to honor and thank the Goddess of Water, Phra Mae Khongkha.

A multitude of Lanna-style sky lanterns (khom fai) are also launched into the air where they resemble large flocks of giant fluorescent jellyfish gracefully floating by through the skies. These are believed to help rid the locals of troubles and are also taken to decorate houses and streets.

Well I'm not going to make too many religious/cultural judgments on a festival that I only know about through Wikipedia and hearing random bits here and there from Thai people, but here's a few thoughts I had:

1. The Loy Krathong that is floated down the river as a symbol of "letting go of all one's grudges, anger and defilement, so that one can start life afresh on a better foot," reminded me of scapegoat that would be released into the desert on the Day of Atonement. Leviticus 16:20-22 describes the ritual:

When Aaron has finished making atonement for the Most Holy Place, the Tent of Meeting and the altar, he shall bring forward the live goat. he is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites - all their sins - and put them on the goat's head. he shall send the goat away into the desert in the care of a man appointed for the task. The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and the man shall release it in the desert.

This scapegoat, along with the other goat which would be sacrificed on the altar in the Most Holy Place would point to the work of Jesus Christ on the cross. His blood would propitiate and exhaust the wrath of God and upon the cross, He would expiate our sins, removing our transgressions as far as the east is from the west. Yet the process of removing all our sin, grudges, anger and defilement so that we can start life afresh is not symbolic when it comes to Christ. It was a real event that changed the course of history two thousand years ago and gives the gift of new life and the hope of glory to all who believe in Him. Praise God!

2. The Khom Fai (sky lanterns) that also carry one's fears, hopes, wishes and prayers to the heavens is something that resounds in the human heart. Who doesn't want to believe that there is some greater being or force in this universe that will receive our worries? It's the eternal yearning of other-worldly hope that comes from the realization of the futility of self-effort and the weakness of man. How amazing and wonderful that our God is a personal, living God that seeks to have a relationship with us. Isaiah writes of our God, "For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: 'I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite'" (Isaiah 57:15). The eternal God, higher than the heavens is here with us in our hearts to assuage our fears, give us hope and fill our needs. We can cast our anxieties on Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Once again, the sky lanterns are symbolic, but the prayers we lift up are real and carried by the Spirit up to God, made pure and holy by the blood of Christ, and mediated by Jesus himself. Therefore we can approach the throne of grace with confidence and boldness where we will find mercy and grace in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

3. Lastly, it's not only Thais but foreigners who take part in the floating of Krathongs down the river and launching Khom Fai into the sky. I wonder if they understand the meaning behind their actions, or if they've heard from people about the symbolism of prayers being sent up or defilement being floated away, I wonder if they partake with genuine belief something good will happen if they do. I don't think I would have had a problem to float a sky lantern for the sake of it...I think. Regardless, it's interesting to think about whether Christians should partake in an activity even if its lost most or all of its pagan religious meaning (which in Thailand, I don't think it has). I mean think about Halloween (everyone's favorite target, but even the greatest day next to Easter, my birthday (or Christmas). I mean who is Santa Claus? Why does he give presents? If he really understood the depravity of mankind, no one would get presents because aren't we all naughty? I forgot what I was talking about in this last point.

Anyway, American holidays are so bland and boring compared to Thai holidays. Whoo...hotdogs...bonfire...picnics...meh. Isn't it interesting that our culture which has excised as much colorful festive superstitious-y, religious culture as possible has ended up being drab and colorless?

Some food for thought.

Until next time!

Paradigms, Perspectives, and Purpose

Everyday we do things so out of routine and live our monotonous lives without ever questioning the purpose. Or maybe we've thought about the purpose before, but by adding the action into our daily routine, we've long forgotten the why. I know that brushing my teeth kills bacteria, freshens my breath, removes plaque, whitens my teeth and prevents the leading gum disease gingivitis, but I never think about that when I'm brushing my teeth in the morning (or on the other hand, I never think about how all that bad stuff is going to happen to me when I don't brush my teeth...haha).

But sometimes something flicks that mental switch which reorients all our perspectives and paradigms and you think about something that you've always done in a new light, or become amazed at it again. After I watched Surrogates a couple days ago (I know, another Surrogates movie mention? It's not even that great), I started looking at my fingers and watching them move. And I was amazed that right when I thought about making my finger move, my finger moved! My fingers move all the time whether I pick my nose or play my guitar, but that switch in my head went off and I became amazed at the fact my fingers move by my control. (I wasn't high or anything)

This past week I went out to the CMU cafeterias a couple times as I said I would. The first time, I ended up going a little late because of a couple errands and chores I had to do. The cafeteria was packed with hundreds of students waiting for food or tables. People talking excitedly with their friends. Cafeteria ladies with paper hats and hair nets scooping food onto plates. Students trying to cram in a couple pages of reading before the next class while scarfing down their food in between words.

Most of the time my mind doesn't even register that much. I'm usually just so focused on thinking about what I want to eat, or where I want to sit, or what I'm doing later that day, that by the end of the day I can't recall anything special I did, it was just another grind. No details, no purpose. It's in those days, I desperately want that mental switch to go off to give my mundane repetitive daily activities a new meaning.

But that lunch was different because I went with a purpose that afternoon. I wanted to see what God would want me to do when I put myself in the middle of the people He wanted me to be with. It's sad because I hadn't gone out in such a long time and things felt different (new tiling?!). Like I said, I had gone a little late and by the time I waited through the lunch lines, walked up and down the aisles for a table, sat down and ate, most of the students were leaving for their next class. I could have easily been discouraged, or came down harsh on myself for not coming earlier when there were seats available, but I just took a deep breath and looked around.

When I took time to do this and remembered the purpose I had come with, the switch in my head went off. I hadn't come with the focus to feed myself, but with my eyes looking outward to see what God wanted me to do. And more than just realizing what was going around me, I began thinking about why people were doing the things they were doing. Mark Driscoll writes in his book The Radical Reformission: Reaching Out Without Selling Out, "Every day, people eat, sleep, work, play, love, and hate, but they do not know why. Not knowing where they come from or to whom they are going, they lack the ability to make their lives meaningful." I thought about how we as Christians do so many things without purpose when we've been given a glorious purpose through Christ, but how even more, those who don't know Jesus will study, graduate, work, love, have kids, marry and die without any eternal purpose. I knew then and there that God had brought me late on purpose so I could just see the crowds and pray for them before I could do anything.

It reminded me of this passage from Matthew 9:35-38:

35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

I remembered Pastor Jeff's sermon on this passage on January 18, 2009, how Jesus saw the crowds and had compassion. (and splancha, and how lost people made Jesus' stomach all knotted) But before Jesus saw the crowds, He was already going throughout all the cities and villages proclaiming the gospel and healing. He had a singular purpose to do all the Father asked of Him and to glorify the Father through Himself. So of course if Jesus knows that He was sent to earth to draw the lost sheep to Himself, Jesus will see the crowd and have compassion on the people. Jesus won't pass by the poor, sick, and hungry without any second thoughts. He knows his life purpose and mission. His purpose was not geared toward pleasing Himself, but pleasing the Father by serving His people.

So we've been doing things backwards this whole time. We run through our daily gauntlet from meaningless activity to meaningless activity, trying to maximize self-pleasure and minimize self-damage as much as possible, and at the end of the day we try to piece it all together and ask ourselves, "What was that all about?" We try to find a purpose in the things we did without a purpose, obviously don't find anything, then feel sorry for ourselves when we realize a year has passed with nothing to show for.

Had I come to the cafeteria without a purpose, or with only the mundane purpose of getting nutrition, I would never have seen the hundreds of lost and purposeless students, nor would I have realized that God wanted me at the cafeterias to intercede for the students while they were in front of my eyes. The switch went off in my head and I saw the students as more than just bodies that were pushing by me or taking up seats - I saw souls and feelings and eternal destination.

How many times did I walk up and down Bruinwalk without ever contemplating the fate of thousands around me? Were they hurting? Were they happy? How many times did I just eat lunch at my apartment without ever putting myself out where Jesus would have been? How could I ever expect the switch to go off in my head that would let me see the world through God's eyes that looks outward to the hurting and broken rather than my eyes that look inward to my felt needs and wants?

I think everyday we wake up with our eyes drawn inward and only by the act of the Holy Spirit can we start looking outward as God intends us to. The only thing that will flip that switch in our minds that changes all paradigms of what's important is renewing our life purpose in Christ. That's why I think morning devotions are better than night devotions. Morning devotions to me seem good for refocusing my heart on God and praying for that switch to go off, while night devotions are good for looking back and seeing how God was moving and thanking Him. Doing both would probably be the best. But like Christ, when we go out into the world everyday knowing our singular purpose to glorify God, we will always find something that needs to be prayed for, something that will shake up our paradigms that have settled on ourselves again.

So perhaps when we ask ourselves why God isn't moving in our lives, we just need a switch in perspective or paradigm. It's not that God isn't opening doors, we're just not looking. Perhaps we've just forgotten our purpose to look for what God is trying to do in our lives. Every single day we are walking by, driving past, sitting next to, eating in the same building with and sleeping in the same room with people that God has been wanting us to see with His eyes for the broken. There are people everyday He wants us to pray for and minister to. Let's just remember our purpose and look outwards to see what God has in store.

Have you ever glanced through your Facebook newsfeed and saw an update of your Christian friend saying something like "Sue is in a relationship with Sally" or "Jill is married to Mary" without giving it a second thought? Or if any thought was given, it was just a surface thought like "O, I guess Sue and Sally must be really good friends."

But I saw one of those updates today, and something was different. Blame it on being in Thailand or something, but this time it just didn't sit right with me. I thought about it a little more deeply and realized that something so seemingly harmless is actually a terrible witness to the wider community. Imagine a random stranger stumbling upon a Christian's facebook and without seeing any of the profile information sees that "Jill is married to Mary." Would this not mean at face value that Jill and Mary are lesbians who probably got married in a state that allows homosexual marriage? Then this random stranger looks at the rest of the information and sees that this person likes Christian music, is in some Christian Facebook groups, has posted some favorite Scripture, and lastly, "Religious Views:" says "Christian." In a day and age where homosexuality has in many ways become an accepted norm, Christians who hold that homosexuality is a sin are looked upon as judgmental bigots. It seems to me that there is too much of a disconnect between what Christians believe and how actions play out, at least with this issue.

I was initially tempted to just relegate the entire issue to Facebook relationship statuses, which only pertains to girls, but then I realized that at least in the Korean American church, boys pretty much do the same thing by acting "gay" with each other. And I'm guilty of this too. We have the idea that at some level of comfort, guys can act gay with each other and it displays some kind of camaraderie or brotherhood.

But I think both the Facebook relationship statuses and Korean American males acting gay points to a bigger issue of church in America. Churches in America are so homophobic that there are no real homosexuals within the congregation to make Christians think twice about putting up such a relationship status or acting gay. Christians can safely limit their profiles to only their friends (who are all Christian and heterosexual). Christian males (but I've seen some instances of females too!) can act towards one another in a homosexual manner in the church and it's deemed as funny.

I only bring this up because I'm starting to realize how sinful this duality really is where one hand condemns homosexuality but the other hand treats it as a trivial and funny matter. And the only reason why I realize this is because I'm in Thailand where being homosexual or transsexual or transgender is really, really the norm. Are they not lost people also created in the image of God? Too often they are cast off as the "other" and not even given the chance to come to the saving grace of Christ.

While STEM was here I remember doing stupid "gay" things with my fellow male teammates, and one of the Thai church members who had recently turned away from cross-dressing walked in. I remember being embarrassed, but continuing to do those kinds of things later when no other Thai people were around. I also recently heard that another Thai member was using the phrase "Man, that's gay" to refer to things he thought was stupid. Whether he learned that from me or other STEM members, all I know is that our culture of taking homosexuality so lightly within the church creates situations that formerly homosexual Christians should not have to face. Leaving a homosexual life is not like a switch, it's a daily struggle like any other sin. We Christians do not make it any easier by treating these things so trivially. Enough damage has already been done to hinder homosexuals from wanting to come to the American church as it is.

I'm trying to start a male fellowship here with the few male Christians within the church and all my paradigms of what male fellowship is within the Korean American church have been thrown out the window. I'm literally at an utter loss when I try to think of what we can do or what we can talk about when the group of males are not going to be homogeneously heterosexual. Even my Thai pastor is somewhat at a loss when it comes to how to deal with those who have given up the homosexual lifestyle to follow God.

In the end, I would like to make a final plea to anyone who reads this to consider the implications of things that we take so trivially and never give a second thought. I know that this culture of triviality will have to be put to death in me as well. But it must be put to death. It is a sinful culture that sends the wrong message to the world when we as the church are called to be the salt and light. Please imagine if you would do the same things and laugh about it in front of a formerly homosexual Christian. It just isn't funny anymore. It's not just a joke. Let's act as much as possible in accordance with Christ's example of loving the sinner and not the sin.

Psalm 40

1 I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.

9 I have told the glad news of deliverance
in the great congregation;
behold, I have not restrained my lips,
as you know, O Lord.
10 I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;
I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness
from the great congregation.

I readily associate and connect with the first three verses of this psalm. I can think of two great songs that use these three verses in its lyrics (Hillsong - Most High and Jesus, Lover of My Soul). I'm sure everyone who has experienced the salvation of the Lord knows what it feels like when the world is sinking around you and you cling to the rock that is Christ like there's no tomorrow. In those moments of utter despair and desperation, Christ comes as a firm foundation and makes our steps secure. We can and want to live another day. He gives us salvation and becomes our delight. In our joy, new songs of praise overflow from our heart - not forced Sunday songs, but a daily, continual song of gladness.

But then I enter the real world, with people who do not know the joy of the Lord and whose father influences them to mock, ridicule and persecute me. My faith is no longer the "new song in my mouth" or the "glad news;" I become like Peter and cower instead of proclaiming my allegiance to the Lord. Verses 9 and 10 become a disconnect between what I want to do and what I really do. I restrain my lips and hide God's deliverance in my heart. I do not speak of God's faithfulness and His salvation; I conceal his steadfast love.

This should not and cannot be. Verse 16 says "those who love your salvation say continually 'Great is the LORD!'" whether at church or among the lost or even among the professed enemies of God. Jesus says "[we] are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden." How can we hide the glad news?! Why don't our hearts burst at the seams when we restrain our lips?! The gospel should be like the gift a child receives and tells the entire world about with joy and glee.

O God that I may proclaim Christ from the mountaintops, shout salvation from the cities, sing praises in my room and declare your glory in the schools here! Grant your servant to continue to speak your word with all boldness.

Going out to CMU cafeterias. Pray for me that God may open to a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ(Colossians 4:3).

CTS Retreat - Videos

Videos are UP! enjoy!