Today being Easter Sunday gave me a chance to reflect a bit more deeply about the work of Christ on the cross. I read the resurrection accounts of the gospels and then turned to Paul's letters for his wisdom on why the cross means anything for us today. I read through Ephesians when a verse caught my eye. Paul writes in Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Now I'm not trying to downplay the first part of this verse, nor the context of unity among God's people, but reading "God in Christ forgave you" had a profound refocusing effect upon how I viewed the cross, Jesus and the forgiveness of sins.
I know countless times in my life I have sinned and sinned greatly and have come to Christ for forgiveness. Yet I think many more times that it should be, I went to Christ more to not feel guilt or shame anymore. I sought the byproducts of forgiveness, rather than true forgiveness itself. Forgiveness is in its fullest meaning a relational term. I think we tend to forget that forgiveness requires a forgiver when we don't understand the full scope of what Christ did for us on the cross 2000 years ago.
Take Ephesians 1:7 for example - "In [Christ] we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace." Without deep reflection into who is forgiving us and why we're being forgiven, we will fall into the terrible habit of understanding forgiveness as some abstract status or universal stain remover upon our souls (albeit, "in Him" or "in Christ"). I've trespassed some universal abstract principle which causes me to feel bad for myself and through Jesus (don't really know how, maybe just praying to him), I can feel better about myself and move on with my life.
No wonder why our generation views Christianity as "moralistic therapeutic deism." Christianity is just about doing right or wrong, and if one does do wrong, one can feel better by pressing the right buttons on a deified mechanism that disperses nice feelings we call "grace."
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned against You and You alone.
Why does Ephesians 4:32 say that "God in Christ forgave you?" God forgave? Doesn't that mean that He's been offended in some manner or way? If I rack up thousands of dollars of credit debt, can some arbitrary person come along and tell me my debt is forgiven? Only the credit card company has the power to absolve my debt. So if God is the one forgiving me, there must be some debt which I owe to Him.
Thus all my sins - every impure and immoral thought, every selfish and thoughtless action against my fellow man, every building up of my own glory and status, every looking to the things of this world to give me the pleasure and satisfaction only God can afford - have not just been detrimental to myself but have offended a infinitely holy God. This offense is only punishable by blood and death.
One thing I've learned from life is if you take a jab (verbal or physical) of a physically bigger bully, he will bring the smackdown. That's how a bully operates - with his own sense of inflated honor or ego having been lessened, there must be a retaliation to recoup the loss of honor. Yet they don't deserve any more respect or honor than a weaker person. But God being good and holy is absolutely deserving of all glory and honor and praise. And He is absolutely just to punish those who have failed to give what is due to Him. And my friends, we are all guilty.
Yet we know that God in Christ forgave us. God saved us from Himself through the love and justice shown on the cross. God in his holiness and justice knew we were absolutely deserving to be shed of blood and put to death, yet He in His grace and love chose not to. Who would be the one to take our punishment? Praise be to God for Jesus Christ, our passover lamb, our substitution, our sacrifice. In Christ and on the cross we find our full and satisfactory payment for our debt of sin - not just to make us feel better about ourselves, not just to take away guilty and shameful feelings, but to bring us into reconciliation with the forgiver.
God did not send His Son to die so we could stop feeling bad about ourselves, but to rid us of our sinful corruption so that we could be in His glorious presence and commune with a living, personal God.
Forgiveness in its truest form is not a clean and easy thing, it's a dirty and painful process. Remember back to anytime someone hurt you deeply and painfully. There are so many times when I would say I forgave someone in word, yet my soul was raging for recompense, for revenge. It wasn't some nice and easy trick like saying the right words and thinking the right thoughts - I literally had to take upon myself the rage and pain that I felt was due on the other person. I had to realize that forgiveness, although free for the forgiven, is not free for the forgiver. If there's anytime that you've truly forgiven someone or even tried to forgive someone for a terrible hurt or trespass against you, you just might understand a tiny fraction of what it takes for God to forgive us.
So praise God not just that in Christ we are forgiven, but that in Christ, God has forgiven you. And the next time you go to God, go to meet the forgiver and not just to receive forgiveness.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Eric's Book Corner - 3/16/2010
Students are on break and things are dreadfully boring here. I know book reviews may not sound like fun for any readers out there, but I just need to write. I've had a lot of time to read some good books recently so if any of these books sound interesting to you, run out and get them!
Surprised By Hope - N.T. Wright
My Rating: 4.5/5
First off, I'd like to thank Karen Park for sending me this book. I know it was hardcover and expensive and the shipping probably cost the same amount as the book, but I had a great time reading it. Thanks for being such a great supporter and encourager!
In the Pauline theological world, there's a lot of debate over N.T. Wright's New Perspective on Paul and what it means for justification and all that. The first books I read by Wright were about these issues so I had no idea what his books for the normal reader was like. Wright, in Surprised by Hope, attempts to bring back the biblical meaning of "resurrection" and the hope that it brings to us as believers today.
Christians tend to think about this life, and life-after-death, but Wright calls his readers to look beyond to "life-after-life-after-death." Everyone knows that those who are in Christ will "go to heaven" but what about the resurrection of the body? It seems like that doctrine is always tacked on at the end and it has no significant meaning to us. Most people when they think of heaven lack the biblical worldview of resurrection and therefore have no tools to think about what the new heavens and the new earth will look like. Our secular worldview has conditioned us to think about clouds and golden gates.
"Life-after-life-after-death" means that we're not just sitting here on this earth as it goes to gutter waiting for Jesus to come back. It's a realization that when Jesus does come back, the new heavens and the new earth will be the very one we're on right now! (Restored and redeemed of course). Wright has further opinions how this has significance in our lives today in terms of world politics and economics and things but you can take that part with a grain of salt.
This book will radically change your worldview on what the resurrection and Jesus being its firstfruit means in our lives today!
Next Evangelicalism - Soong Chan Rah
My Rating: 4.5/5
Pastor Daniel recommended this book to me and man did it challenge me and change my perspectives! Rah comes out with guns blazing against the "white cultural captivity" of the American or Western church. He calls Christians to look for the Spirit moving in World Christianity and not designating the growing power of ethnic churches around the world and in America into side-categories.
All the arguments against white cultural captivity aside (which is quite fascinating), Rah challenged me personally as a second-generation Korean American. Are there any other second-gen kids of immigrant families out there that wonder why they only feel comfortable with people just like us? Rah states that we are in a state of liminality between two cultures having to constantly balance the values and beliefs of two worldviews. However, he encourages people like us to become the bridge for multi-ethnic fellowship in America.
He also challenged me to question the cultural values that are contrary to the gospel. He calls Christians to recover the theology of suffering in our personal lives. Rather than getting that education, getting a nice job, settling in the suburbs and going out to our nice megachurch in the name of God, Rah challenges Christians to find honor not from moving out into the suburbs, but by moving towards the hurt, marginalized, and needy of society. Helping out the needy on weekends is good, but it will never give us the full picture of suffering and daily life of the needy. Rah's picture of incarnational ministry is compelling and absolutely needed in the church today.
A definite must read for my fellow second-generation Korean American friends!
Gospel-Driven Life - Michael Horton
My Rating: 3.5/5
I couldn't put this book down when I first started it, but somewhere in the middle it just took me forever to finish. This book almost single-handedly convinced me to go to a Reformed seminary like Westminster. And Horton's ever persistent focus upon the gospel, gospel, gospel alone really shaped my thinking for a couple months. This book is a great example of the strengths of Reformed theology (or whatever I think I know of it). Horton is able to draw out these metaphors and archetypes and man I don't know how to describe it but he just makes one huge compelling story and biblical narrative that continually points to Christ.
Horton's main point in this book is to reveal that a gospel-driven life is not one that is set about "doing" with programs and events, but rather hearing and receiving and being changed. Like that one picture of the soldier kissing a random nurse on Victory Day in Times Square, Horton argues that when the gospel is presented as the good news that it is, life transformation is automatically responsive and changes the way we look at life, community, religion, etc.
If you want a taste of true Reformed perspective on Christian life, give this book a try.
Pagan Christianity - Frank Viola and George Barna
My Rating: 3.0/5
Had I not read this book with a well-informed critique by The Resurgence blog, I think I would have been majorly screwed. This book really messed with my paradigm of how church should do church. The main thesis of this book is that the modern institutional church is more a product of pagan influence down the centuries than of the Bible. Viola argues for the organic church - a house-based, non-hierarchical, open-participatory fellowship of Christians - as the true New Testament church model. (I actually want to go to an organic church once to see what it's like now.)
This book was compelling because it uses historical analysis to trace the roots of things like the modern pastor, sermon, conception of church, division of clergy/laity. I like history so it was just interesting to read from that point of view. However the critique at the Resurgence seems to give good historical evidence for the opposing side so I am at some sort of judgmental standstill (with a preference towards what I know and love of course).
I'd recommend the first two books over this one but if it sounds interesting at all, I'd suggest reading it with the critique at the Resurgence.
Happy reading!
Surprised By Hope - N.T. Wright
My Rating: 4.5/5
First off, I'd like to thank Karen Park for sending me this book. I know it was hardcover and expensive and the shipping probably cost the same amount as the book, but I had a great time reading it. Thanks for being such a great supporter and encourager!
In the Pauline theological world, there's a lot of debate over N.T. Wright's New Perspective on Paul and what it means for justification and all that. The first books I read by Wright were about these issues so I had no idea what his books for the normal reader was like. Wright, in Surprised by Hope, attempts to bring back the biblical meaning of "resurrection" and the hope that it brings to us as believers today.
Christians tend to think about this life, and life-after-death, but Wright calls his readers to look beyond to "life-after-life-after-death." Everyone knows that those who are in Christ will "go to heaven" but what about the resurrection of the body? It seems like that doctrine is always tacked on at the end and it has no significant meaning to us. Most people when they think of heaven lack the biblical worldview of resurrection and therefore have no tools to think about what the new heavens and the new earth will look like. Our secular worldview has conditioned us to think about clouds and golden gates.
"Life-after-life-after-death" means that we're not just sitting here on this earth as it goes to gutter waiting for Jesus to come back. It's a realization that when Jesus does come back, the new heavens and the new earth will be the very one we're on right now! (Restored and redeemed of course). Wright has further opinions how this has significance in our lives today in terms of world politics and economics and things but you can take that part with a grain of salt.
This book will radically change your worldview on what the resurrection and Jesus being its firstfruit means in our lives today!
Next Evangelicalism - Soong Chan Rah
My Rating: 4.5/5
Pastor Daniel recommended this book to me and man did it challenge me and change my perspectives! Rah comes out with guns blazing against the "white cultural captivity" of the American or Western church. He calls Christians to look for the Spirit moving in World Christianity and not designating the growing power of ethnic churches around the world and in America into side-categories.
All the arguments against white cultural captivity aside (which is quite fascinating), Rah challenged me personally as a second-generation Korean American. Are there any other second-gen kids of immigrant families out there that wonder why they only feel comfortable with people just like us? Rah states that we are in a state of liminality between two cultures having to constantly balance the values and beliefs of two worldviews. However, he encourages people like us to become the bridge for multi-ethnic fellowship in America.
He also challenged me to question the cultural values that are contrary to the gospel. He calls Christians to recover the theology of suffering in our personal lives. Rather than getting that education, getting a nice job, settling in the suburbs and going out to our nice megachurch in the name of God, Rah challenges Christians to find honor not from moving out into the suburbs, but by moving towards the hurt, marginalized, and needy of society. Helping out the needy on weekends is good, but it will never give us the full picture of suffering and daily life of the needy. Rah's picture of incarnational ministry is compelling and absolutely needed in the church today.
A definite must read for my fellow second-generation Korean American friends!
Gospel-Driven Life - Michael Horton
My Rating: 3.5/5
I couldn't put this book down when I first started it, but somewhere in the middle it just took me forever to finish. This book almost single-handedly convinced me to go to a Reformed seminary like Westminster. And Horton's ever persistent focus upon the gospel, gospel, gospel alone really shaped my thinking for a couple months. This book is a great example of the strengths of Reformed theology (or whatever I think I know of it). Horton is able to draw out these metaphors and archetypes and man I don't know how to describe it but he just makes one huge compelling story and biblical narrative that continually points to Christ.
Horton's main point in this book is to reveal that a gospel-driven life is not one that is set about "doing" with programs and events, but rather hearing and receiving and being changed. Like that one picture of the soldier kissing a random nurse on Victory Day in Times Square, Horton argues that when the gospel is presented as the good news that it is, life transformation is automatically responsive and changes the way we look at life, community, religion, etc.
If you want a taste of true Reformed perspective on Christian life, give this book a try.
Pagan Christianity - Frank Viola and George Barna
My Rating: 3.0/5
Had I not read this book with a well-informed critique by The Resurgence blog, I think I would have been majorly screwed. This book really messed with my paradigm of how church should do church. The main thesis of this book is that the modern institutional church is more a product of pagan influence down the centuries than of the Bible. Viola argues for the organic church - a house-based, non-hierarchical, open-participatory fellowship of Christians - as the true New Testament church model. (I actually want to go to an organic church once to see what it's like now.)
This book was compelling because it uses historical analysis to trace the roots of things like the modern pastor, sermon, conception of church, division of clergy/laity. I like history so it was just interesting to read from that point of view. However the critique at the Resurgence seems to give good historical evidence for the opposing side so I am at some sort of judgmental standstill (with a preference towards what I know and love of course).
I'd recommend the first two books over this one but if it sounds interesting at all, I'd suggest reading it with the critique at the Resurgence.
Happy reading!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Language and Listening
I know what you all are thinking:
"Wait, another post about language? When will he get bored of it?"
Yes, another post about language or learning language. I tend to think about one subject and just squeeze out as many different possibilities and applicable points until it runs dry. (If you don't believe me, ask Pastor Jonas about when I first learned about Calvinism - that's all I wanted to talk about for months). ((Do periods go inside or outside of a closing parenthesis?)) As learning language is something that I am aware of everyday, different thoughts and points of application run through my mind. I hope this will be my last one, and it's not long - just something short I thought about today.
But onto the post.
Language and Listening
My Thai teacher commented today that I was pretty good at speaking Thai but my listening comprehension was terrible. She also pointed out how the other short-term missionary from Korea (who came two months after me) was really good at listening and understanding, but not so at speaking. Now I usually take my compliments gluttonously and my criticisms like poison , but this was true so I accepted her comment and thought about it.
The Korean short-termer (Youngrae) has gotten pretty good in her Thai language acquisition in less time and less experience in Thai language than I have. (I almost put "than me" but props to Iris for always correcting my grammatical mistakes - parrallel structure!) I never knew how good she had gotten until one day one of the Thai students said something to me and while I was struggling to understand or asking the student to repeat, Youngrae just blurted out the meaning. There had been no real way of gauging her respective language level before because she rarely spoke Thai. Youngrae lives and stays at Baan Joy most of her time and just sits and listens to the students carrying on with their daily routine. But just like that my perspective on her level changed, and I noticed that her Thai was pretty dang good.
I see two valuable lessons I have learned about myself or life. (I'm also trying a point-by-point style writing so I can stay more focused while I write instead of wandering off into tangents - there's always good old parentheses to wander off into random thoughts right?)
1. I realized that the fact that my speaking skills were good and my listening skills were bad and that Youngrae's listening skills were good and her speaking skills were bad revealed my own personality deficiency. My first instinct was to write off this observation to something inherent in culture. (And one big weakness in being interested in cultural or social influences is you tend to write off all your weaknesses and blame some outside influence that you had no control over. I just have to realize that I'm to blame sometimes.) There may be some truth into the culture insight - Koreans tend not to speak a new language until they feel they're at a point where they can speak to some measure of success, whereas Americans have a very confident, learn-by-mistake mentality in how they approach language. (But Americans also do expect the rest of the world to speak English, haha) (So much for point-by-point, look how much I've wandered off already.)
Anyway, I realized that the reason that I spoke better than I comprehended was none other than my close friend and enemy - pride. Oh pride, you insidious creature! You'll never leave me alone will you? For what brings more attention and honor and glory - people hearing you speak Thai with perfect tones and grammatical structure or people knowing you can understand them? I remember now that the times I put effort into learning a new structure or new vocabulary were motivated by my desire to see the Thai students impressed by my progression. And that one time when they said they thought I had learned Thai better than other missionaries they've seen before? Pure gold poison into my heart. The delight I felt as I saw the looks of approval on people's faces when I was able to share on Sunday for the first time what I was thankful for in the Thai language was all pride! PRIDE!
When it came down to it, I never really liked to listen to people. This is true not only in Thailand but in the entirety of my life. In conversations, my favorite thing to do was not to absorb the wisdom of others but to give the final word - my superior, more-educated, more-well-thought-out, more-logical, more-impressive opinion. And looking back, I see why I felt so hampered in the beginning of my ministry here in Thailand. I love to teach and I feel it is a gift God has given me. But now I see how my sinful nature can warp even my most prized gift. Teaching requires one to speak and put ideas into communicable words. I couldn't do this with my lack of Thai language and so I felt useless. I felt like my gift was being wasted. But now I see that even when gift is utilized, even for good purposes, there's that evil part of me stealing the glory as I see people impressed by the words that come out of my mouth.
And in the beginning I never liked sitting in a room where people would be talking and I had no idea what was going on, so I would just stay in my room rather than put myself out there. (And I don't think it's all bad because being in those environments is quite draining. Introverts need time to rest sometimes.) But when my Thai got better and I could converse with the students and even give some witty retorts, spending time with the students got more fun. But that thread of pride being woven through all my experiences in learning Thai is quite visible now. My sinful nature craves that attention and approval I receive when I speak.
"When I want to do right, evil lies close at hand." - Romans 7:21
So that's point one, just kind of another realization and understanding of the ever-so pervasive nature of my sinful heart. "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
2. I realize more than ever that listening is a gift. This world prizes the gifted speakers. Great preachers receive all the attention and have the most visited blogsites (why else would you go?). Great speakers become presidents and leaders and obtain all sorts of positions of power. There is great power in speaking and the art of communication to sway the minds, attitudes, and beliefs of listeners. It's quite natural we place such a high value on that gift.
But I devote space to the under-appreciated art and gift of listening. I am really impressed by the way Youngrae sits day in and day out in the common room at Grace Fellowship as students carry on their daily routine. Like I said before, I just could never do this and here's my fruit of several months of avoiding passive listening - I can't comprehend people when I listen. Youngrae will never get the status points for speaking but she'll always be a reliable ear for anyone who needs it.
I remember hearing a sermon example by a pastor about how when his wife came to him with his problems he would always try to respond with his pastoral and theological advice. But one day his wife told him, "I need you to stop being a pastor and just listen." Pastors talk and talk and we listen because they do have very important advice. But a huge part in being a pastor (or any loving Christian) has to be listening to people.
People want to be heard. People don't want to hear another cookie-cutter solution to a complex problem. There's great release in just being able to express every emotion, feeling, and thought to someone who truly cares about every word you're saying, rather than just waiting for an opportunity to say something profound.
I hope that this little insight into my own weakness will prepare me to be a better husband, friend, brother, son or minister. I pray that God will give me the gift of listening. And this being my more practical point, I hope that any reader would also see the value of listening and seek to be a dependable ear as a way of showing love to those around.
"Wait, another post about language? When will he get bored of it?"
Yes, another post about language or learning language. I tend to think about one subject and just squeeze out as many different possibilities and applicable points until it runs dry. (If you don't believe me, ask Pastor Jonas about when I first learned about Calvinism - that's all I wanted to talk about for months). ((Do periods go inside or outside of a closing parenthesis?)) As learning language is something that I am aware of everyday, different thoughts and points of application run through my mind. I hope this will be my last one, and it's not long - just something short I thought about today.
But onto the post.
Language and Listening
My Thai teacher commented today that I was pretty good at speaking Thai but my listening comprehension was terrible. She also pointed out how the other short-term missionary from Korea (who came two months after me) was really good at listening and understanding, but not so at speaking. Now I usually take my compliments gluttonously and my criticisms like poison , but this was true so I accepted her comment and thought about it.
The Korean short-termer (Youngrae) has gotten pretty good in her Thai language acquisition in less time and less experience in Thai language than I have. (I almost put "than me" but props to Iris for always correcting my grammatical mistakes - parrallel structure!) I never knew how good she had gotten until one day one of the Thai students said something to me and while I was struggling to understand or asking the student to repeat, Youngrae just blurted out the meaning. There had been no real way of gauging her respective language level before because she rarely spoke Thai. Youngrae lives and stays at Baan Joy most of her time and just sits and listens to the students carrying on with their daily routine. But just like that my perspective on her level changed, and I noticed that her Thai was pretty dang good.
I see two valuable lessons I have learned about myself or life. (I'm also trying a point-by-point style writing so I can stay more focused while I write instead of wandering off into tangents - there's always good old parentheses to wander off into random thoughts right?)
1. I realized that the fact that my speaking skills were good and my listening skills were bad and that Youngrae's listening skills were good and her speaking skills were bad revealed my own personality deficiency. My first instinct was to write off this observation to something inherent in culture. (And one big weakness in being interested in cultural or social influences is you tend to write off all your weaknesses and blame some outside influence that you had no control over. I just have to realize that I'm to blame sometimes.) There may be some truth into the culture insight - Koreans tend not to speak a new language until they feel they're at a point where they can speak to some measure of success, whereas Americans have a very confident, learn-by-mistake mentality in how they approach language. (But Americans also do expect the rest of the world to speak English, haha) (So much for point-by-point, look how much I've wandered off already.)
Anyway, I realized that the reason that I spoke better than I comprehended was none other than my close friend and enemy - pride. Oh pride, you insidious creature! You'll never leave me alone will you? For what brings more attention and honor and glory - people hearing you speak Thai with perfect tones and grammatical structure or people knowing you can understand them? I remember now that the times I put effort into learning a new structure or new vocabulary were motivated by my desire to see the Thai students impressed by my progression. And that one time when they said they thought I had learned Thai better than other missionaries they've seen before? Pure gold poison into my heart. The delight I felt as I saw the looks of approval on people's faces when I was able to share on Sunday for the first time what I was thankful for in the Thai language was all pride! PRIDE!
When it came down to it, I never really liked to listen to people. This is true not only in Thailand but in the entirety of my life. In conversations, my favorite thing to do was not to absorb the wisdom of others but to give the final word - my superior, more-educated, more-well-thought-out, more-logical, more-impressive opinion. And looking back, I see why I felt so hampered in the beginning of my ministry here in Thailand. I love to teach and I feel it is a gift God has given me. But now I see how my sinful nature can warp even my most prized gift. Teaching requires one to speak and put ideas into communicable words. I couldn't do this with my lack of Thai language and so I felt useless. I felt like my gift was being wasted. But now I see that even when gift is utilized, even for good purposes, there's that evil part of me stealing the glory as I see people impressed by the words that come out of my mouth.
And in the beginning I never liked sitting in a room where people would be talking and I had no idea what was going on, so I would just stay in my room rather than put myself out there. (And I don't think it's all bad because being in those environments is quite draining. Introverts need time to rest sometimes.) But when my Thai got better and I could converse with the students and even give some witty retorts, spending time with the students got more fun. But that thread of pride being woven through all my experiences in learning Thai is quite visible now. My sinful nature craves that attention and approval I receive when I speak.
"When I want to do right, evil lies close at hand." - Romans 7:21
So that's point one, just kind of another realization and understanding of the ever-so pervasive nature of my sinful heart. "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
2. I realize more than ever that listening is a gift. This world prizes the gifted speakers. Great preachers receive all the attention and have the most visited blogsites (why else would you go?). Great speakers become presidents and leaders and obtain all sorts of positions of power. There is great power in speaking and the art of communication to sway the minds, attitudes, and beliefs of listeners. It's quite natural we place such a high value on that gift.
But I devote space to the under-appreciated art and gift of listening. I am really impressed by the way Youngrae sits day in and day out in the common room at Grace Fellowship as students carry on their daily routine. Like I said before, I just could never do this and here's my fruit of several months of avoiding passive listening - I can't comprehend people when I listen. Youngrae will never get the status points for speaking but she'll always be a reliable ear for anyone who needs it.
I remember hearing a sermon example by a pastor about how when his wife came to him with his problems he would always try to respond with his pastoral and theological advice. But one day his wife told him, "I need you to stop being a pastor and just listen." Pastors talk and talk and we listen because they do have very important advice. But a huge part in being a pastor (or any loving Christian) has to be listening to people.
People want to be heard. People don't want to hear another cookie-cutter solution to a complex problem. There's great release in just being able to express every emotion, feeling, and thought to someone who truly cares about every word you're saying, rather than just waiting for an opportunity to say something profound.
I hope that this little insight into my own weakness will prepare me to be a better husband, friend, brother, son or minister. I pray that God will give me the gift of listening. And this being my more practical point, I hope that any reader would also see the value of listening and seek to be a dependable ear as a way of showing love to those around.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Language and Christian Life
One of the interesting things about language acquisition is that the student will soak in the vocabulary, accents and inflections of the teacher. When I have a conversation with one of the students that is helping me with Thai, I understand and speak at an optimal level. Put me out on the streets with some stranger and all of a sudden I can understand barely half of what they are saying. On another point, my fellow co-workers in Sankampaeng and Hangdong teach children at elementary schools for their main ministries. Dealing with mostly adolescent children, their range of vocabulary and grammar is perfect for commands (like sit down, pay attention, clean up) and words pertaining to school related things (scissors, glue, ruler). On the other hand as I work in a university level Christian setting, helping with praise and worship and sitting through sermons and prayer times, I am exposed to and soak up all the Thai Christian-ese (words like worship, praise, prayer and phrases like "i feel thankful for..." or "praise God for..."). So when I'm placed in a children ministry setting, I'll do alright, but I'm not in my comfort zone with the particular phrases and vocabulary suited for such things.
On Sundays before worship, we go around the community of believers (church) and share things that we're thankful to God for. The couple times I did raise my hand to share something, the Thai students pushed me to share in Thai. When I did, I was amazed at the ease certain phrases came out or vocabulary that I thought I didn't know. The first couple times I was like, "Whoa, it's God! He just put the words in my mouth!" Not saying that's not true to a certain extent, but now that I think back, I see that much of what came out of my mouth was due to what I was absorbing in my surroundings.
Those long hours of cryptic Thai sermons and Bible studies that I had to pinch myself to get through? It actually did something. Missionary Daniel talks about how important it is just to sit and listen and soak in all the tones and inflections and words even if you don't understand any of it. I now see why he put me throughneedless needful torture. One day things start clicking and you try to do things on your own and it just comes out.
The point is that our Christian life and walk is no different. We humans as societal creatures naturally soak up the things in our surrounding culture - attitudes, behavior, values, and worldview. Where else do we get all of our cool sayings, hip clothing styles, and time-passing fads? (before I left it was break-dancing, would someone like to inform me what's cool to do in the Korean American community now?) Anyway, it should be pretty obvious why our walk with God stays superficial and shallow and the fruit we bear is meager and nominal when all we take in are the values and beliefs of our secular surroundings. The world screams at us that every moment needs to be lived in the here and now, in pleasure, and in fun and entertainment. A lot of people think that the Christian religion is all about denying yourself and they make fun of a belief system that denies "natural" desires in favor of a dry and stuffy moralistic lifestyle. And we as Christians buy what the world tells us what Christianity is. Thus we can't seem to bear Christ-like fruit in our lives because all we're trying to do is to negate the desires of our flesh. We're not actually focused on abiding in Christ and remaining in the vine so that we can take in from Him all the values and beliefs and worldviews and attitudes that will really satisfy us and bear fruit that will glorify God.
In all of our fighting and running away from the flesh, we also need to be running toward something, that is, a personal living God in Christ Jesus. In Romans 12, Paul calls us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. He says in Philippians 4:8-9, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Our daily walk has to be about surrounding, immersing and soaking our minds and hearts in Christ and the things of Christ. Only then we can really start putting into practice all that we have learned and received and heard.
A fruitful walk with God also calls for us to have good teachers and a good surrounding community of people. There's a reason I don't teach Korean here. It's what Jesus called the blind leading the blind. I also don't learn my Thai from my American friends. In the same way a student of language needs a teacher comfortable and fluent in the usage and theory of language, a disciple of Christ needs a shepherd, role-model, or leader who is consistent in his or her walk and grounded in his or her beliefs. Sometimes (okay a lot of times) I make mistakes as I try to speak Thai. People around me laugh but in the end I know they are genuinely invested in my improvement. I think a lot of times we're afraid to have someone further along in his or her life as a Christian discipling us because we think we may be judged, but in the end they're looking out for our interests in our own spiritual maturity. A good discipler produces a good disciple. We can't learn these things on our own. I don't think anyone can get Thai tones on their own. There's a reason why Paul continually exhorts his churches to be imitators of him as he imitates Christ.
The community add its own dimension to both language learning and spiritual maturity. I have one main Thai teacher, but everyone expresses language in their own unique way. The Thai I learn from one person may not be useful with another. My teacher takes the time to speak slowly and use simple words but not everyone's going to talk to me like a 3rd grade Thai student. Only going around and speaking with all types of people will I be able to better grasp the full expression and nuances of the Thai language. As Christians we learn from everyone in the body as God has gifted each one of us to mutually encourage one another towards maturity in faith. As an underclassman I learned about the rich beauty of praise and the true meaning of worship from Sam Kang, but I also soaked in the intellectually awe-inspiring value of theology and foundations of faith from Jonas Lee (now Pastor Jonas, haha...wait is Sam a pastor too? Worship Pastor Sam? I don't know). As an upperclassman I was humbled by my own weaknesses as I tried to lead others. In the end, we absorb the rich diversity of gifts and functions within the community of Christ to further understand Christian life and worship of God.
So take heed with what you surround yourself with, what you feed your mind and heart with. Let your soul feed upon the unsearchable riches of God's grace and feast at the banqueting table of God. Let your heart assent with all its emotion that it has tasted that the Lord is good. Find leaders you admire and wish to be like and learn from them. Imitate the strengths God has gifted them with. Interact within a community of like-minded believers and run the race together. Bear each others burdens and encourage one another.
And one day, you willspeak Thai be a faithful disciple and a light to the world.
On Sundays before worship, we go around the community of believers (church) and share things that we're thankful to God for. The couple times I did raise my hand to share something, the Thai students pushed me to share in Thai. When I did, I was amazed at the ease certain phrases came out or vocabulary that I thought I didn't know. The first couple times I was like, "Whoa, it's God! He just put the words in my mouth!" Not saying that's not true to a certain extent, but now that I think back, I see that much of what came out of my mouth was due to what I was absorbing in my surroundings.
Those long hours of cryptic Thai sermons and Bible studies that I had to pinch myself to get through? It actually did something. Missionary Daniel talks about how important it is just to sit and listen and soak in all the tones and inflections and words even if you don't understand any of it. I now see why he put me through
The point is that our Christian life and walk is no different. We humans as societal creatures naturally soak up the things in our surrounding culture - attitudes, behavior, values, and worldview. Where else do we get all of our cool sayings, hip clothing styles, and time-passing fads? (before I left it was break-dancing, would someone like to inform me what's cool to do in the Korean American community now?) Anyway, it should be pretty obvious why our walk with God stays superficial and shallow and the fruit we bear is meager and nominal when all we take in are the values and beliefs of our secular surroundings. The world screams at us that every moment needs to be lived in the here and now, in pleasure, and in fun and entertainment. A lot of people think that the Christian religion is all about denying yourself and they make fun of a belief system that denies "natural" desires in favor of a dry and stuffy moralistic lifestyle. And we as Christians buy what the world tells us what Christianity is. Thus we can't seem to bear Christ-like fruit in our lives because all we're trying to do is to negate the desires of our flesh. We're not actually focused on abiding in Christ and remaining in the vine so that we can take in from Him all the values and beliefs and worldviews and attitudes that will really satisfy us and bear fruit that will glorify God.
In all of our fighting and running away from the flesh, we also need to be running toward something, that is, a personal living God in Christ Jesus. In Romans 12, Paul calls us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. He says in Philippians 4:8-9, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Our daily walk has to be about surrounding, immersing and soaking our minds and hearts in Christ and the things of Christ. Only then we can really start putting into practice all that we have learned and received and heard.
A fruitful walk with God also calls for us to have good teachers and a good surrounding community of people. There's a reason I don't teach Korean here. It's what Jesus called the blind leading the blind. I also don't learn my Thai from my American friends. In the same way a student of language needs a teacher comfortable and fluent in the usage and theory of language, a disciple of Christ needs a shepherd, role-model, or leader who is consistent in his or her walk and grounded in his or her beliefs. Sometimes (okay a lot of times) I make mistakes as I try to speak Thai. People around me laugh but in the end I know they are genuinely invested in my improvement. I think a lot of times we're afraid to have someone further along in his or her life as a Christian discipling us because we think we may be judged, but in the end they're looking out for our interests in our own spiritual maturity. A good discipler produces a good disciple. We can't learn these things on our own. I don't think anyone can get Thai tones on their own. There's a reason why Paul continually exhorts his churches to be imitators of him as he imitates Christ.
The community add its own dimension to both language learning and spiritual maturity. I have one main Thai teacher, but everyone expresses language in their own unique way. The Thai I learn from one person may not be useful with another. My teacher takes the time to speak slowly and use simple words but not everyone's going to talk to me like a 3rd grade Thai student. Only going around and speaking with all types of people will I be able to better grasp the full expression and nuances of the Thai language. As Christians we learn from everyone in the body as God has gifted each one of us to mutually encourage one another towards maturity in faith. As an underclassman I learned about the rich beauty of praise and the true meaning of worship from Sam Kang, but I also soaked in the intellectually awe-inspiring value of theology and foundations of faith from Jonas Lee (now Pastor Jonas, haha...wait is Sam a pastor too? Worship Pastor Sam? I don't know). As an upperclassman I was humbled by my own weaknesses as I tried to lead others. In the end, we absorb the rich diversity of gifts and functions within the community of Christ to further understand Christian life and worship of God.
So take heed with what you surround yourself with, what you feed your mind and heart with. Let your soul feed upon the unsearchable riches of God's grace and feast at the banqueting table of God. Let your heart assent with all its emotion that it has tasted that the Lord is good. Find leaders you admire and wish to be like and learn from them. Imitate the strengths God has gifted them with. Interact within a community of like-minded believers and run the race together. Bear each others burdens and encourage one another.
And one day, you will
Thursday, February 4, 2010
A Morning Devotion
Lamentations 3:22-23 - "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
I don't know about other people, but whenever I think about God's mercy during a morning QT, this verse always rings in my head. God's mercies are new every morning. Wow. Forget about all your failings and mistakes of the previous day because God has made his mercies anew. Come to His fountain of living water and drink, all who are thirsty and parched.
This verse has always brought me great solace and comfort after the sorrow that tarries through the night, but I realized today, why does God's mercy need only be taken in a passive sense? Why must we only come to this promise of fresh mercies after periods of struggle, failure, and darkness? If we've been doing particularly well with our walk or have been more loving in our lives today, does this mean the mercies of God are not needed tomorrow?
Then it seems to me that whether we are bogged in the miry clay or soaring on wings like eagles, the mercies of God that are new every morning are meant to be taken, received and enjoyed every morning. Like the manna from heaven, God's grace and mercy is meant to be taken one day at a time. Some theologian that I read somewhere pointed out that the reason why Jesus says do not worry about tomorrow is that the grace God has given us is meant to be used this day.
This is a lesson I'm learning painfully in Thailand. I know everyone understands how God's mercy works when we have fallen and God picks us up again, but are we to live the entirety of the Christian life by cheapening the grace of God? God wants me to come to His throne every, every, every morning to be filled by His grace, strengthened by His mercy for the day ahead of me. He wants me to grow in holiness and in sanctification. So if yesterday I've been a particularly "good" Christian, who cares? If I use yesterday as my motivation for today, I'm actually being fueled by my success yesterday rather God's mercy and grace available today.
Thus we must forget what lies behind, yesterday's failures and successes, and strain forward to what lies ahead, that is the mercies of God ready and available to us every morning. In light of this, let us press onward toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).
Great Is Thy Faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my father!
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not:
As thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth.
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
I don't know about other people, but whenever I think about God's mercy during a morning QT, this verse always rings in my head. God's mercies are new every morning. Wow. Forget about all your failings and mistakes of the previous day because God has made his mercies anew. Come to His fountain of living water and drink, all who are thirsty and parched.
This verse has always brought me great solace and comfort after the sorrow that tarries through the night, but I realized today, why does God's mercy need only be taken in a passive sense? Why must we only come to this promise of fresh mercies after periods of struggle, failure, and darkness? If we've been doing particularly well with our walk or have been more loving in our lives today, does this mean the mercies of God are not needed tomorrow?
Then it seems to me that whether we are bogged in the miry clay or soaring on wings like eagles, the mercies of God that are new every morning are meant to be taken, received and enjoyed every morning. Like the manna from heaven, God's grace and mercy is meant to be taken one day at a time. Some theologian that I read somewhere pointed out that the reason why Jesus says do not worry about tomorrow is that the grace God has given us is meant to be used this day.
This is a lesson I'm learning painfully in Thailand. I know everyone understands how God's mercy works when we have fallen and God picks us up again, but are we to live the entirety of the Christian life by cheapening the grace of God? God wants me to come to His throne every, every, every morning to be filled by His grace, strengthened by His mercy for the day ahead of me. He wants me to grow in holiness and in sanctification. So if yesterday I've been a particularly "good" Christian, who cares? If I use yesterday as my motivation for today, I'm actually being fueled by my success yesterday rather God's mercy and grace available today.
Thus we must forget what lies behind, yesterday's failures and successes, and strain forward to what lies ahead, that is the mercies of God ready and available to us every morning. In light of this, let us press onward toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).
Great Is Thy Faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my father!
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not:
As thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth.
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Language and God
So the other day I helped P'Phung translate "With All I Am" by Reuben Morgan into Thai. Probably because I'm such a nerd, I find language fascinating. Or maybe just words - how they're used, developed, original meanings, etc. (I just looked it up on wikipedia - it's called morphology) In any case, I wish I had studied some of this at UCLA. So here are some interesting things to think about.
1. Again, noting that I have no prior experience studying linguistics, I think it's safe to say that language itself is a cultural expression and its usage in different communities or societies reflect different values or beliefs of that community or society. Anyway, assuming that most of the readership are Korean-Americans, it's interesting to see how the hierarchical or honorific forms that exist in Korean reflect the societal values of hierarchy and honor, while English really has no such thing built into the language itself which reflects its very egalitarian values.
(People thinking about very high liturgical churches might think about the "thee" "thy" "thou" language as an expression of some type of holiness or honor, but it was used during the old old days to express intimacy and familiarity. "You" was actually used in formal situations. So all those hymns and songs that we sing that we think is using archaic and non-"God is my friend" language really does imply that personal and intimate relationship with God, seen in its proper context of course.)
Thai also has honorific language built into the language itself but unlike the Korean language which for the most part uses honorific conjugations (I could be wrong, I only studied up to Korean 5), the Thai language uses different words for higher beings - kings and gods/God. So all the nice conversational words I learned and memorized are pretty useless when I read the Bible because Jesus does all his verbs in the honorific form.
Anyway, my simplistic conclusion to that one is that Americans and our "Jesus is my homeboy" Christianity do not have the built-in language values to describe the holiness and transcendence of God. Or is it the language which is the expression of our cultural values that creates our Jesus Homeboy Christianity. I don't know, did the chicken or the egg come first? And Thai's would feel uncomfortable talking about God in too much of a colloquial language because God is supposed to be high and beyond us.
Yet God is amazingly both! Here's one of my favorite verses about this from Isaiah 57:15, "For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place,
and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite." God is fearsome, bigger than the universe, transcendent, holy, set apart, all-powerful, yet He calls us friend, we are adopted into His sonship, and we can cry to Him "Abba, Father." Too bad human language can't seem to capture this.
2. One of my favorite Thai words is glap jai which means "to repent." Glap is used in phrases like glap baan which means "return home" or glap rot which means "u-turn" and jai means "heart or mind." Its literal meaning is returning your heart or turning your heart around. Now that's a great definition of repent, like the original Greek word metanoeo which means to change one's mind. Yet the primary definition of the English word "repent" is to feel sorry. (I guess if you study that word in Latin it means something like "do penitence again" but what does that even mean for us 21st century folk?) And that seems to carry over into American Christianity where if we sin, repenting just means we feel sorry about it and God forgives us and everything is good and dandy. The Thai and Greek word carries the full meaning of repentance which is not merely feeling sorry, but changing or turning your heart around, that is towards God. It's more of an action than it is an emotion. We turn away from our sins, not just feel sorry about them.
3. Coming in at a close second is the Thai word santi suk which means "peace". This word is really cool because it's a word created by Christians because the original Thai word for peace is santi which comes from the Buddhist conception of peace, namely a peace that comes from the absence of everything. In the Buddhist worldview is the point of life is to remove oneself from all desire then peace is empty. I think the world that is under pervading influence of Buddhism has this conception of peace. Have you seen those "coexist" or "peace" bumper stickers with all the symbols of world religions? Is peace really an ideal that's so simplistic that all these different religions with different worldviews are going to somehow retract some of their conflicting beliefs for this false sense of peace? You believe what you want and I'll believe what I want, let's just not step on each other's toes and we'll call it peace.
But no sir, that is not the Christian peace, santi suk. The Thai word suk means joy and you put that with santi and bam! you got santi suk which would mean something like a joy filled peace. Now that's on track with the biblical definition of peace which comes from the Hebrew word shalom which the ESV Study Bible describes as "where a person's life with God and with everything else is in ordered harmony, both physically and spiritually, and “all is well.”" Real peace is not the merely the absence of conflict or a withdrawal from the enemy but it is full-force unrelenting march toward the enemy with love. Real peace is not passive, but is active in bringing about joy and love and harmony in all things.
4. The last word I like is the Thai phrase for saying sorry, khoe thoot. It literally means "I ask for your punishment." I wonder what kind of cultural value that denotes hahaha jk. It's just funny.
Hope that was interesting, and if not, too bad I'm a nerd. =)
1. Again, noting that I have no prior experience studying linguistics, I think it's safe to say that language itself is a cultural expression and its usage in different communities or societies reflect different values or beliefs of that community or society. Anyway, assuming that most of the readership are Korean-Americans, it's interesting to see how the hierarchical or honorific forms that exist in Korean reflect the societal values of hierarchy and honor, while English really has no such thing built into the language itself which reflects its very egalitarian values.
(People thinking about very high liturgical churches might think about the "thee" "thy" "thou" language as an expression of some type of holiness or honor, but it was used during the old old days to express intimacy and familiarity. "You" was actually used in formal situations. So all those hymns and songs that we sing that we think is using archaic and non-"God is my friend" language really does imply that personal and intimate relationship with God, seen in its proper context of course.)
Thai also has honorific language built into the language itself but unlike the Korean language which for the most part uses honorific conjugations (I could be wrong, I only studied up to Korean 5), the Thai language uses different words for higher beings - kings and gods/God. So all the nice conversational words I learned and memorized are pretty useless when I read the Bible because Jesus does all his verbs in the honorific form.
Anyway, my simplistic conclusion to that one is that Americans and our "Jesus is my homeboy" Christianity do not have the built-in language values to describe the holiness and transcendence of God. Or is it the language which is the expression of our cultural values that creates our Jesus Homeboy Christianity. I don't know, did the chicken or the egg come first? And Thai's would feel uncomfortable talking about God in too much of a colloquial language because God is supposed to be high and beyond us.
Yet God is amazingly both! Here's one of my favorite verses about this from Isaiah 57:15, "For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place,
and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite." God is fearsome, bigger than the universe, transcendent, holy, set apart, all-powerful, yet He calls us friend, we are adopted into His sonship, and we can cry to Him "Abba, Father." Too bad human language can't seem to capture this.
2. One of my favorite Thai words is glap jai which means "to repent." Glap is used in phrases like glap baan which means "return home" or glap rot which means "u-turn" and jai means "heart or mind." Its literal meaning is returning your heart or turning your heart around. Now that's a great definition of repent, like the original Greek word metanoeo which means to change one's mind. Yet the primary definition of the English word "repent" is to feel sorry. (I guess if you study that word in Latin it means something like "do penitence again" but what does that even mean for us 21st century folk?) And that seems to carry over into American Christianity where if we sin, repenting just means we feel sorry about it and God forgives us and everything is good and dandy. The Thai and Greek word carries the full meaning of repentance which is not merely feeling sorry, but changing or turning your heart around, that is towards God. It's more of an action than it is an emotion. We turn away from our sins, not just feel sorry about them.
3. Coming in at a close second is the Thai word santi suk which means "peace". This word is really cool because it's a word created by Christians because the original Thai word for peace is santi which comes from the Buddhist conception of peace, namely a peace that comes from the absence of everything. In the Buddhist worldview is the point of life is to remove oneself from all desire then peace is empty. I think the world that is under pervading influence of Buddhism has this conception of peace. Have you seen those "coexist" or "peace" bumper stickers with all the symbols of world religions? Is peace really an ideal that's so simplistic that all these different religions with different worldviews are going to somehow retract some of their conflicting beliefs for this false sense of peace? You believe what you want and I'll believe what I want, let's just not step on each other's toes and we'll call it peace.
But no sir, that is not the Christian peace, santi suk. The Thai word suk means joy and you put that with santi and bam! you got santi suk which would mean something like a joy filled peace. Now that's on track with the biblical definition of peace which comes from the Hebrew word shalom which the ESV Study Bible describes as "where a person's life with God and with everything else is in ordered harmony, both physically and spiritually, and “all is well.”" Real peace is not the merely the absence of conflict or a withdrawal from the enemy but it is full-force unrelenting march toward the enemy with love. Real peace is not passive, but is active in bringing about joy and love and harmony in all things.
4. The last word I like is the Thai phrase for saying sorry, khoe thoot. It literally means "I ask for your punishment." I wonder what kind of cultural value that denotes hahaha jk. It's just funny.
Hope that was interesting, and if not, too bad I'm a nerd. =)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Joys of New Christians
There's a section on seminary applications that asks you when you became Christian or accepted Christ as Lord and Savior. I keep dreading that question because I really have no idea when I became Christian. I don't even have a specific experience of personalization (a fancy term I learned at UCLA as a Religion major meaning the act of taking and making the faith of one's parents into one's own personal faith). I just always went to church (as if church is just a building right?) and God became more evident in His existence and sovereignty in my life.
As a result, I don't really even have a "first love" experience or memory. Whenever I read Revelations and think about my first love, I usually just go back to previous "moments" - the kind where you are so in awe and consumed by God's love and grace. It's probably the same thing right? (This is probably why my personal theology on salvation centers not around a decisive moment but rather a life of continual sanctification and obedience to God...but this is not to de-emphasize that singular, important moment of justification...but I digress).
Regardless, whether your story is like mine or you have a more decisive salvation story, the fact is we as humans are quite forgetful, especially of the love and grace of God. Sometimes we just get into the grind of life, work, school, and ministry and forget the reason why we decided to do everything in the first place. We may be faithful in terms of what we do, but our heart and motive behind it has become hazy and unclear.
On the mission field, I have found no better first love reminder than seeing and witness to the first love of new Christians. God is like that shiny new toy that we loved and played with and got bored of, but when someone new comes and is having fun with the toy again, you suddenly want it back. But with God, there's enough to go around for everyone!
I bring this up because in the past two weeks we've had two new believers put their faith in Jesus Christ. The kind of joy in the air and the excitement in their eyes can't be replicated by other circumstances. If I remember correctly, John Piper's father once told him, "There's no greater joy than winning souls." I truly do believe this because as new believers learn about God, share their experiences and testimonies, I see God reviving joy in the hearts of all the other members. Both of the staff members here cry every time they hear someone's testimony. I see friends of new believers with tears of joy that their friend has entered into and are now enjoying the great community of God.
Back when I was in college (that is...seven months ago...), I got to experience the kind of joy and love of teaching and sharing Christ with younger believers. This brought me great joy as other students moved from the socialization of Christianity (growing up in a faith or tradition) to personalization of faith, but I regret that I never saw one complete non-believer come to Christ. And this is my fault because I never bothered to go outside the bounds of church.
I mean if you really think about a complete non-believer putting their faith into Christ, it's really an amazing thing. And I'm not just talking about the amazing theology behind it - God by his grace regenerating children of wrath, and calling rebellious beings into the adoption of sonship through the obedience and suffering of Jesus Christ. I think about all the practical things behind conversion like the fact that someone is giving up a worldview that they've grown up with, with its attached cultural and behavioral values and customs. Christian kids know the Christian law, values, and behavior before they accept the Christian gospel, but when they put faith in Christ, the worldview of Christianity is more or less there. But growing up Buddhist for twenty years, believing in the power of merit from all sorts of rituals, then leaving all those things behind to follow a daresay foreign God? I mean Buddhism technically doesn't even have a God in its belief system.
But these new believers have found something worth throwing away twenty years of what previously gave them worth and value in their life. They're willing to face being shunned or shamed by family members and friends. And on top of that, they're just filled with this infectious joy that's overflowing from their first love.
I would love for brothers and sisters back home to be able to experience this kind of joy, and they CAN. We just need to step outside our four walls and turn to a neighbor or a classmate. But more on my thoughts of how that can happen later.
For now, please pray for Kazuko and Jubjib, the new sisters in Christ, that their joy would only continue to grow as they come to know and be known by the living God.
God is moving!
As a result, I don't really even have a "first love" experience or memory. Whenever I read Revelations and think about my first love, I usually just go back to previous "moments" - the kind where you are so in awe and consumed by God's love and grace. It's probably the same thing right? (This is probably why my personal theology on salvation centers not around a decisive moment but rather a life of continual sanctification and obedience to God...but this is not to de-emphasize that singular, important moment of justification...but I digress).
Regardless, whether your story is like mine or you have a more decisive salvation story, the fact is we as humans are quite forgetful, especially of the love and grace of God. Sometimes we just get into the grind of life, work, school, and ministry and forget the reason why we decided to do everything in the first place. We may be faithful in terms of what we do, but our heart and motive behind it has become hazy and unclear.
On the mission field, I have found no better first love reminder than seeing and witness to the first love of new Christians. God is like that shiny new toy that we loved and played with and got bored of, but when someone new comes and is having fun with the toy again, you suddenly want it back. But with God, there's enough to go around for everyone!
I bring this up because in the past two weeks we've had two new believers put their faith in Jesus Christ. The kind of joy in the air and the excitement in their eyes can't be replicated by other circumstances. If I remember correctly, John Piper's father once told him, "There's no greater joy than winning souls." I truly do believe this because as new believers learn about God, share their experiences and testimonies, I see God reviving joy in the hearts of all the other members. Both of the staff members here cry every time they hear someone's testimony. I see friends of new believers with tears of joy that their friend has entered into and are now enjoying the great community of God.
Back when I was in college (that is...seven months ago...), I got to experience the kind of joy and love of teaching and sharing Christ with younger believers. This brought me great joy as other students moved from the socialization of Christianity (growing up in a faith or tradition) to personalization of faith, but I regret that I never saw one complete non-believer come to Christ. And this is my fault because I never bothered to go outside the bounds of church.
I mean if you really think about a complete non-believer putting their faith into Christ, it's really an amazing thing. And I'm not just talking about the amazing theology behind it - God by his grace regenerating children of wrath, and calling rebellious beings into the adoption of sonship through the obedience and suffering of Jesus Christ. I think about all the practical things behind conversion like the fact that someone is giving up a worldview that they've grown up with, with its attached cultural and behavioral values and customs. Christian kids know the Christian law, values, and behavior before they accept the Christian gospel, but when they put faith in Christ, the worldview of Christianity is more or less there. But growing up Buddhist for twenty years, believing in the power of merit from all sorts of rituals, then leaving all those things behind to follow a daresay foreign God? I mean Buddhism technically doesn't even have a God in its belief system.
But these new believers have found something worth throwing away twenty years of what previously gave them worth and value in their life. They're willing to face being shunned or shamed by family members and friends. And on top of that, they're just filled with this infectious joy that's overflowing from their first love.
I would love for brothers and sisters back home to be able to experience this kind of joy, and they CAN. We just need to step outside our four walls and turn to a neighbor or a classmate. But more on my thoughts of how that can happen later.
For now, please pray for Kazuko and Jubjib, the new sisters in Christ, that their joy would only continue to grow as they come to know and be known by the living God.
God is moving!
Spiritual Wilderness
It's been a long time blog. Too long?
Quite frankly, I'm writing my first post in over a month with hesitation and fear. I love putting into words the different thoughts that have been jumbling around in my head. I love sharing the different experiences, emotions and feelings that God has given me with people back at home. But blogging, that is sharing things God has been teaching me, comes with a deep deep price.
I don't know about other people, but I am a very prideful person. My nature is adverse to humility and arrogance courses through my veins. And what horrifies me the most is that I have the uncanny ability to take something beautiful that God has given me or has taught me, and turn it into something that glorifies not God, but myself. I am blessed by God. I am blessed when I share my blessings with others. But rather than continually looking toward God for more blessings, I become satisfied with not what God has done or is doing, but what God has done or is doing through me.
And the thing about blogging is that I don't like writing about lessons God is teaching me in the middle of it. I like going through the entire experience, then reflecting back upon all that has happened and creating a nice beginning, middle, and end. Unfortunately, when I'm mid-trial or tribulation, I don't feel much like writing. So here's a secret: if you haven't seen me blog for a while, I probably don't feel like I'm at a point where I should be blogging. And this vicious cycle continues where I blog, become proud of what I've learned, become independent from God, fall hard, don't blog, recover, and blog again. So I have a lot to share from the past month which I'll try updating topically, but please please, pray that blogging would not become a source of pride and self-satisfaction. I would love to share all the blessings I've received, but I can't if my blessings turn into my own curse.
I am reminded of Jeremiah 2:13 because I commit two evils: forsaking God, the fountain of living waters and hewing out cisterns that hold no water for myself. The picture I see in my head is something like drinking crystal clear, mountain spring water and then being proud that I sweat it out. Then I proceed to satisfy and sustain myself on my own sweat. Maybe a better example would be drinking one's urine. Or the biblical example would be the dog returning to its vomit right? Whatever the case, God's grace flowing out from us is not meant to feed us. Yes we are blessed when God uses sinful creatures like us for His will, but it's supposed to make us look continually to God, not ourselves.
Anyway, Song Kim (Missionary Daniel's wife) said something quite profound to me last night and I want to leave with this: "There's a kind of faith that grows in the context of church and being surrounded by Christians, and there's a kind of faith that grows on the mission field. The kind of faith that grows on the mission field has to be a deep faith."
I'd say January had to be the toughest month for me in Thailand. Maybe it's the six month wall or that I have a huge slump every winter time starting from my freshman year in college. Actually, this past month was the toughest month of my life. All the other times I had my friends and my pastors and my church to fall back upon, places and people to nurture and take of me. And I grew during those times. But this past month was so, so hard. Perhaps it was the sovereign plan of the Lord for me to go through this during a time when everyone back home gets to be uber-blessed from two weeks of teuksae and prayer and sermons. And this was my first month living in my apartment so I was never home to talk to people at home. And people were probably tired from teuksae so they weren't online to talk anyway. And Satan used the new year with all my self-effort, self-induced goals and ambitions to bring all my failures crashing down on me.
Whatever the case, I had nobody but God in the spiritual wilderness. And I understand now just a taste of what the missionary's faith requires: a deep deep foundation and rooted-ness in the vine that is Christ. There's no water in the desert, that's why cacti have freaking deep roots. So hopefully God made me more like a cactus.
Quite frankly, I'm writing my first post in over a month with hesitation and fear. I love putting into words the different thoughts that have been jumbling around in my head. I love sharing the different experiences, emotions and feelings that God has given me with people back at home. But blogging, that is sharing things God has been teaching me, comes with a deep deep price.
I don't know about other people, but I am a very prideful person. My nature is adverse to humility and arrogance courses through my veins. And what horrifies me the most is that I have the uncanny ability to take something beautiful that God has given me or has taught me, and turn it into something that glorifies not God, but myself. I am blessed by God. I am blessed when I share my blessings with others. But rather than continually looking toward God for more blessings, I become satisfied with not what God has done or is doing, but what God has done or is doing through me.
And the thing about blogging is that I don't like writing about lessons God is teaching me in the middle of it. I like going through the entire experience, then reflecting back upon all that has happened and creating a nice beginning, middle, and end. Unfortunately, when I'm mid-trial or tribulation, I don't feel much like writing. So here's a secret: if you haven't seen me blog for a while, I probably don't feel like I'm at a point where I should be blogging. And this vicious cycle continues where I blog, become proud of what I've learned, become independent from God, fall hard, don't blog, recover, and blog again. So I have a lot to share from the past month which I'll try updating topically, but please please, pray that blogging would not become a source of pride and self-satisfaction. I would love to share all the blessings I've received, but I can't if my blessings turn into my own curse.
I am reminded of Jeremiah 2:13 because I commit two evils: forsaking God, the fountain of living waters and hewing out cisterns that hold no water for myself. The picture I see in my head is something like drinking crystal clear, mountain spring water and then being proud that I sweat it out. Then I proceed to satisfy and sustain myself on my own sweat. Maybe a better example would be drinking one's urine. Or the biblical example would be the dog returning to its vomit right? Whatever the case, God's grace flowing out from us is not meant to feed us. Yes we are blessed when God uses sinful creatures like us for His will, but it's supposed to make us look continually to God, not ourselves.
Anyway, Song Kim (Missionary Daniel's wife) said something quite profound to me last night and I want to leave with this: "There's a kind of faith that grows in the context of church and being surrounded by Christians, and there's a kind of faith that grows on the mission field. The kind of faith that grows on the mission field has to be a deep faith."
I'd say January had to be the toughest month for me in Thailand. Maybe it's the six month wall or that I have a huge slump every winter time starting from my freshman year in college. Actually, this past month was the toughest month of my life. All the other times I had my friends and my pastors and my church to fall back upon, places and people to nurture and take of me. And I grew during those times. But this past month was so, so hard. Perhaps it was the sovereign plan of the Lord for me to go through this during a time when everyone back home gets to be uber-blessed from two weeks of teuksae and prayer and sermons. And this was my first month living in my apartment so I was never home to talk to people at home. And people were probably tired from teuksae so they weren't online to talk anyway. And Satan used the new year with all my self-effort, self-induced goals and ambitions to bring all my failures crashing down on me.
Whatever the case, I had nobody but God in the spiritual wilderness. And I understand now just a taste of what the missionary's faith requires: a deep deep foundation and rooted-ness in the vine that is Christ. There's no water in the desert, that's why cacti have freaking deep roots. So hopefully God made me more like a cactus.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Santa = Satan?
Whoa whoa whoa Eric, are you talking about Jolly Ole St. Nick? Kris Kringle? Santa, Santa Claus?! How dare you equate a cherished and beloved symbol of the Christmas season with the Father of Lies, the Prince of Darkness? Come it's not like we're worshiping Santa Claus. We know he's not real, it's just something fun we do like the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny (Don't you know that Jesus and his disciples painted eggs together at the Last Supper?). You don't need to go all extreme and make things black and white. All in good fun, all in good fun.
Haha, I agree but here are my reservations:
1. We can kind of safely have these pseudo-symbols or characters on religious holidays like Christmas and Easter because America is a Christian-ish country. And by that I mean, we're now labeled post-Christian, but there's cultural, symbolic, and moralistic residue left over from when America used to be very Christian. So for the Christians at least, it might be something Christians kind of play along with but everyone knows God is the only true and living God and that Jesus is the reason for the season. And for non-Christians, Santa can be something to give some kind of meaning to their holiday break from work (as far as I know, no Asian countries give Christmas day off).
2. It might be more okay in America to just play along with these kinds of things because Western materialistic worldview discredits the supernatural as a given. At a certain age, no one's really going to believe that tooth fairies, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny exists. However, in a more pantheistic, spiritual/animistic Eastern/Asian worldview everything is and can be a god and is able to be worshiped. For example, P'Mee shared with me once that if you take a funny shaped rock, say it brings good luck and give it to an animistic Thai, they'll put it up on their shelf of religious objects and believe that it's going to give you good luck. If you come and say a statue changed your life, they'll take the statue and worship that. If you give them the Bible and say that it changed your life, they.... no they don't take that one.
So let's look at the nature and powers of Santa:
1. Possibly immortal as he's been handing out presents for hundreds of years.
2. Has the power of flight
3. Possibly omnipresent, especially if he's going to every child's house in one night. Or the power of super-speed.
4. Possibly has the power of teleportation, especially when your apartment doesn't have a chimney. (Maybe he's just good at picking locks)
5. Omniscient - He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good... So be good for goodness' sake.
6. Apparently works according to the universal moral law. If you're good, you get a good gift. If you're bad, you get coal. What if you're really bad, like evil? It's been discussed, you get coal. (Five points to anyone who knows where that line is from.)
a. However, he doesn't seem to keep a real list, or is quite gracious because everyone seems to get gifts on Christmas morning. (Except that one time when I went on vacation to Las Vegas with my family and my mom said Santa wouldn't come follow us on vacation.)
Sounds like a god to me. I'm not writing this post to point fingers at America and Christians who celebrate Santa with their kids and tell them they're worshiping Satan. I'm not that crazy. But it's interesting to take a look at Santa from the Thai perspective and understand exactly why the Christian church would dare not bring Santa into any type of Christian tradition. They have their own cultural residue that they need to get rid of and to bring in an imported tradition that could possibly be received through a spiritual/animistic worldview doesn't sound too safe. Thai Buddhists look at Christianity through their worldview anyway - either something to be rejected or just another way to nirvana. I'm sure there's enough confusion trying to explain the idea of a personal creator God and the reason why we need the gospel, so to add Santa is quite unwise.
Is Santa Satan? Is it coincidence that they use the SAME LETTERS?! I'm not going to shove my opinion down anyone's throats but as you make your opinion for yourself, let us consider who we worship and what this Christmas season is for. Not a jolly old fat man with super powers, but a man who "had no form or majesty that we should look at him and no beauty that we should desire him," a "man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." A man "wounded for our transgressions...crushed for our iniquities," and by whose stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53)
This season is about Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
(Philippians 2:6-11)
Glory to God in the highest!
Haha, I agree but here are my reservations:
1. We can kind of safely have these pseudo-symbols or characters on religious holidays like Christmas and Easter because America is a Christian-ish country. And by that I mean, we're now labeled post-Christian, but there's cultural, symbolic, and moralistic residue left over from when America used to be very Christian. So for the Christians at least, it might be something Christians kind of play along with but everyone knows God is the only true and living God and that Jesus is the reason for the season. And for non-Christians, Santa can be something to give some kind of meaning to their holiday break from work (as far as I know, no Asian countries give Christmas day off).
2. It might be more okay in America to just play along with these kinds of things because Western materialistic worldview discredits the supernatural as a given. At a certain age, no one's really going to believe that tooth fairies, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny exists. However, in a more pantheistic, spiritual/animistic Eastern/Asian worldview everything is and can be a god and is able to be worshiped. For example, P'Mee shared with me once that if you take a funny shaped rock, say it brings good luck and give it to an animistic Thai, they'll put it up on their shelf of religious objects and believe that it's going to give you good luck. If you come and say a statue changed your life, they'll take the statue and worship that. If you give them the Bible and say that it changed your life, they.... no they don't take that one.
So let's look at the nature and powers of Santa:
1. Possibly immortal as he's been handing out presents for hundreds of years.
2. Has the power of flight
3. Possibly omnipresent, especially if he's going to every child's house in one night. Or the power of super-speed.
4. Possibly has the power of teleportation, especially when your apartment doesn't have a chimney. (Maybe he's just good at picking locks)
5. Omniscient - He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good... So be good for goodness' sake.
6. Apparently works according to the universal moral law. If you're good, you get a good gift. If you're bad, you get coal. What if you're really bad, like evil? It's been discussed, you get coal. (Five points to anyone who knows where that line is from.)
a. However, he doesn't seem to keep a real list, or is quite gracious because everyone seems to get gifts on Christmas morning. (Except that one time when I went on vacation to Las Vegas with my family and my mom said Santa wouldn't come follow us on vacation.)
Sounds like a god to me. I'm not writing this post to point fingers at America and Christians who celebrate Santa with their kids and tell them they're worshiping Satan. I'm not that crazy. But it's interesting to take a look at Santa from the Thai perspective and understand exactly why the Christian church would dare not bring Santa into any type of Christian tradition. They have their own cultural residue that they need to get rid of and to bring in an imported tradition that could possibly be received through a spiritual/animistic worldview doesn't sound too safe. Thai Buddhists look at Christianity through their worldview anyway - either something to be rejected or just another way to nirvana. I'm sure there's enough confusion trying to explain the idea of a personal creator God and the reason why we need the gospel, so to add Santa is quite unwise.
Is Santa Satan? Is it coincidence that they use the SAME LETTERS?! I'm not going to shove my opinion down anyone's throats but as you make your opinion for yourself, let us consider who we worship and what this Christmas season is for. Not a jolly old fat man with super powers, but a man who "had no form or majesty that we should look at him and no beauty that we should desire him," a "man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." A man "wounded for our transgressions...crushed for our iniquities," and by whose stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53)
This season is about Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
(Philippians 2:6-11)
Glory to God in the highest!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Eric's Book Corner - 12/14/09
Because of all the new books people sent and plenty of ample time for reading (although I'm still not reading as much as I'd like), I want to just give some summaries or ratings of different books that I've read while I'm here.
My Rating: 4.5/5
Probably the first book I finished in Thailand as I tried to cultivate a heart for missions. Let the Nations Be Glad is an amazing book that points to the glory of God in all things, and how missions plays into that. I mean who hasn't heard the line "Missions exist because worship does not"? Piper as always writes seeking to take his readers beyond just contentment and satisfaction in relative standards to seeing God through the standard of the ultimate and the infinite. You just want to see the bigger picture in the entire plan of God and his purpose for missions. There were so many chapters where after I finished I had to just stop and pray. And to me that's the mark of a great great book. I would give the book a five out of five just because I'm biased towards Piper, but the entire middle section becomes quite heady and academic because Piper takes the effort to biblically support the doctrines of eternal damnation and the definition of "nations" as ethnic people groups through exegesis of original Greek. I know no Greek and as nerdy as I am, that part just got really boring. But the first and last third of the book is quite great. I suggest you go pick up a copy now!
My Rating: 3.5/5
I absolute loved Tozer's The Pursuit of God and I remember PJ recommending this book if you wanted to know more about the attributes of God. It's not a bad book by any means, but Tozer does write from half a century ago and even though that doesn't seem like a lot, a book just has to be amazing to outlast the influences of an ever-changing language (To me, C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity is an example). Tozer goes through around twenty different attributes and takes the time to make sure that knowledge about the attributes of God will not be head knowledge but heart knowledge. He wants the reader to learn about a unique attribute of God and overflow in exultant worship. Maybe because I've read books on attributes of God before and I didn't try hard enough to make this into heart-knowledge, but nothing really spoke out to me. However, if you would like to study the attributes of God for the first time it might be worth your time.
My Rating: 5/5
The second in Piper's trilogy (Desiring God, The Pleasures of God, Future Grace), Piper takes a whole book to talk about just why God is most glorified when He is most satisfied in himself - a corollary from Piper's famous line "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him" from Desiring God. I let a friend borrow the book so I can't be more detailed about it, but Piper's chapter on how prayer glorifies God was another one of those things you read and you can't help but pray for an hour after. The book also gives Piper's answers on things like election (and how God is glorified in it) as well as the two wills of God (like can the love in John 3:16 be applicable to all or only God's chosen elect?). Again, I'm giving this book a biased rating because I want everyone to go pick up a copy. But really, go out and pick up one of his three most famous books (among many others).
My Rating: 5/5
I rate this book high because it's just something I really really needed to read at this point in my walk and if you're like me, this book is a must read. The deepening of my walk with God began on a very intellectual basis, starting with like intro books to Reformed Theology by R.C. Sproul in my sophomore year. I'm kind of a rational, logical kind of guy when it comes to how I see things anyway so I ate up these kinds of theology or apologetics books. But somewhere in that development, I developed a rational framework to deny the power of the Holy Spirit. And it's something along the lines of "I know that logically God can do anything like heal or perform miracles today, but I just don't believe God will use me to do it." Jack Deere points out how statements or beliefs like these aren't really beliefs in the power of God that God still does work through the giftings of the Holy Spirit today powerfully and supernaturally. This entire realm of the Holy Spirit is still quite a mystery to me, but I agree with Deere when he argues that the gospel is powerfully supported through signs and wonders, although he makes it clear that ultimately God must open hearts to the message itself. So for all who feel trapped in a logical rational Christianity (which isn't necessarily bad) and want a biblically supported argument for exploring the power of the Holy Spirit, I recommend this book.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Making Every Moment Count
As mentioned in the previous blog, Grace Fellowship had a going home party for Jinny on December 11, 2009. The students made a slideshow of her and we went around sharing some memories, feelings and words of appreciation. Then Jinny was able to give her testimony (translated by P'Koy), with the last section of encouragement given in Thai by herself - something she had memorized in the back of the truck on the way to and from Pai.
This is the second going home party I've been to, the first one being for Chungwon, a volunteer from Korea. And at both parties, sometime during or near the end of the entire going around in a circle and sharing part, I have some kind of mental flash forward imagining my own going home party. (Is that rude of me to wander off into my own thoughts? Or egotistical that it would be a daydream about a party for me? hahaha) But in all seriousness, I don't think about it because I like the idea of a party for me or because I would want people to cry and make me feel special or something, but I think about it because in these moments I realize a culmination of experiences, relationships, feelings and emotions from the entire past year or months is coming together for half an hour of sharing. How do you put into words the kind of things someone has taught you, the kind of character they displayed, and the kind of memories you shared in a few minutes while still letting them know how important they were to you?
These moments always put some burden on my heart as I think about whether I've been making the same kind of impact or making the relationships in the same way. Again, not because I want to say I've touched someone's heart so much that they cannot help but tear up, but because I realize I have a limited amount of time here and if I'm not diligent and wise about the way I spend my time and make/sustain relationships, an entire year could have gone to waste for me and for people I've gotten to know in Thailand. I think the closest example for people back home could be being a part of doing ministry in eCollege, although you can still see the same people after you go to NEXT.
Sometimes we feel like we can always leave issues or matters, especially in relationships, for later because we don't often have to experience the paradigm changing effects of parting forever. It's only when you realize that you might never see someone again that you would be willing to swallow your pride or put petty differences aside, especially when it's someone that is deeply cared about. Or we might not take the initiative in making new deep relationships when we think some person will be around for a while. But the effects of realizing you may never see someone again are truly eye-opening in the way you look at the way you spend your time or maintain relationships.
One of my favorite passages from Acts comes from chapter 20. Paul is about to leave the church in Ephesus not knowing whether he'll ever return and shares some examples from his ministry, some warnings and admonitions. Afterward, three years of ministry in Ephesus culminates into this powerful and moving scene:
If you had to leave your friends, people you were ministering to and even acquaintances tomorrow, what would be their lasting image of you? I guess this is the question that runs through my mind during these going home parties. Has what I've done here mattered in an ultimate eternal sense? Has anyone's lives been changed or influenced (although not by the virtue of my own goodness, but Christ in me)? It's a good reminder to make every moment count.
This is the second going home party I've been to, the first one being for Chungwon, a volunteer from Korea. And at both parties, sometime during or near the end of the entire going around in a circle and sharing part, I have some kind of mental flash forward imagining my own going home party. (Is that rude of me to wander off into my own thoughts? Or egotistical that it would be a daydream about a party for me? hahaha) But in all seriousness, I don't think about it because I like the idea of a party for me or because I would want people to cry and make me feel special or something, but I think about it because in these moments I realize a culmination of experiences, relationships, feelings and emotions from the entire past year or months is coming together for half an hour of sharing. How do you put into words the kind of things someone has taught you, the kind of character they displayed, and the kind of memories you shared in a few minutes while still letting them know how important they were to you?
These moments always put some burden on my heart as I think about whether I've been making the same kind of impact or making the relationships in the same way. Again, not because I want to say I've touched someone's heart so much that they cannot help but tear up, but because I realize I have a limited amount of time here and if I'm not diligent and wise about the way I spend my time and make/sustain relationships, an entire year could have gone to waste for me and for people I've gotten to know in Thailand. I think the closest example for people back home could be being a part of doing ministry in eCollege, although you can still see the same people after you go to NEXT.
Sometimes we feel like we can always leave issues or matters, especially in relationships, for later because we don't often have to experience the paradigm changing effects of parting forever. It's only when you realize that you might never see someone again that you would be willing to swallow your pride or put petty differences aside, especially when it's someone that is deeply cared about. Or we might not take the initiative in making new deep relationships when we think some person will be around for a while. But the effects of realizing you may never see someone again are truly eye-opening in the way you look at the way you spend your time or maintain relationships.
One of my favorite passages from Acts comes from chapter 20. Paul is about to leave the church in Ephesus not knowing whether he'll ever return and shares some examples from his ministry, some warnings and admonitions. Afterward, three years of ministry in Ephesus culminates into this powerful and moving scene:
And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship. (Acts 20:36-38)Paul was a man whose pastoral care and love can be seen when he expressed to the church in Corinth that he would "most gladly spend and be spent for [their] souls" (2 Cor. 12:15). And here in Acts 20 is the result of being spent for his sheep, as all whose lives were changed, impacted and touched by Paul's ministry weeps, embraces and kisses him not knowing whether they would see him again.
If you had to leave your friends, people you were ministering to and even acquaintances tomorrow, what would be their lasting image of you? I guess this is the question that runs through my mind during these going home parties. Has what I've done here mattered in an ultimate eternal sense? Has anyone's lives been changed or influenced (although not by the virtue of my own goodness, but Christ in me)? It's a good reminder to make every moment count.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Pictures from Pai
From December 10 to 11, I was able to go with some students from Far Eastern University to the scenic mountain village of Pai. It was a great opportunity to take in some beautiful sights, hold a day camp for some Thai/Chinese students, and show the students from Far Eastern University some of the kind of work Christians do as the gospel overflows in our lives.
Check out the pictures on Facebook.
I survived 762 curves on the way to Pai and another 762 on the way back.
A big holler to Paul TJ Park for teaching me how to drive stick and Grace Lee for refining my skills.
But I had to learn how to do inclines by myself. That was scary, but fun. (No stalling!)
Also included, pictures from Jinny's going-home party.
Check out the pictures on Facebook.
I survived 762 curves on the way to Pai and another 762 on the way back.
A big holler to Paul TJ Park for teaching me how to drive stick and Grace Lee for refining my skills.
But I had to learn how to do inclines by myself. That was scary, but fun. (No stalling!)
Also included, pictures from Jinny's going-home party.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Thanks Everyone!
First of all, thanks to everyone who sent all the gifts and goodies with my family. You know who you are. I know who you are. haha.
My new reading list:
Grace Fellowship performing "You Said"
The members of Grace Fellowship performed this body worship as a thank you to its leaders.
I upload this video as a thank you to STEM 2009.
I hope you are all blessed!
"For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea."
- Habakkuk 2:14
Grace Fellowship Baptism Retreat
Months of baptism classes, learning about God and Christian life, saving money 3 baht at a time for every missed QT, pastoring and prayer culminated into Grace Fellowship's 3rd Baptism Retreat from December 4th to 7th. Nine baptism candidates and sixteen other church members and missionaries left Chiang Mai for Rayong, a non-touristy beach about three hours southeast of Bangkok. Before heading over to Koh Samet (Samet Island), the students were asked how they felt about their imminent ceremony. Some expressed excitement, while others stayed emotionless. But by the time we arrived on the island and head out onto the beach, electricity was in the air as anticipation began to increase.
There was much to be excited about because this year's trip was quite unique from the previous two baptism retreats. The other retreats had been held at your everyday Chiang Mai mountain resorts, the same places all the English camps had been held before. The baptisms in the two years prior had had only two candidates total, but this year God had poured out His blessings upon Grace Fellowship as an unprecedented nine members were about to be baptized. Many if not most of the retreat's attendees had never seen the ocean before in real life.
As the members donned their white baptism robes, a small crowd of tourists and Thai people began to gather. I thought in my head, 'If I wasn't a Christian, I'm sure I'd think this is weird too. Those white robes remind me of those cults who drink poisoned Kool-Aid before they meet Lord Xenu in the Omega Galaxy...' But in the end I was glad to see these random strangers become an audience in a beautiful ceremony as we sang praises, gave thanks to God and baptized our members. For all the bad rep (rap?) Christianity can get sometimes, this baptism was a witness of sorts of our God who in the same way revealed his triune presence at the baptism of Jesus proclaiming "This is my beloved Son with whom I am well pleased" (Matt. 3:17). I know God was rejoicing with gladness and exulting over his new children with loud singing (Zeph. 3:17).
"Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men." - Matthew 4:19
The Sunday after the baptism, the newly baptized members were able to partake in Communion for the first time. Many of them had been coming to Grace Fellowship for months or years but now they could finally partake of the body and blood of Christ. As P'Mee began explaining the entire sacrament again, some of the newly baptized members had tears in their eyes. I found out later that a couple of them in that moment had been thinking about their old meaningless life before this holy moment and they could not help but weep as they thought about how lost they had once been.
One other girl had cried too but for a different reason. She had grown up knowing about Christianity and had finally gotten baptized at this retreat. But her tears were tears of a longing for first love. She saw the others crying around her and began to cry because she wanted to feel God's presence and the absolute certainty of His love that others were now overcome with. When I heard about this, I couldn't help but remember that story of Charles Spurgeon weeping in his study and when asked why, replying that he was weeping because the gospel no longer brought him to tears.
I know most of the people who read this blog have been Christians for a long time. To you I want to ask: Does taking communion bring you to tears as you reflect upon the sacrifice of Christ? Does baptism bring you exuberant joy as new brothers and sisters become united with Christ? Does the gospel still cause you to weep over your depravity and cry in joy over God's goodness and grace? I grew up in the church, was baptized as an infant and confirmed in college, yet I am saddened to think about how easily I have forgotten my own first love again and again. I had much to think about this retreat as I reflected upon where I was in my own walk, well off the path laid down by Christ and wandering meaninglessly. Why had God brought me to Thailand? How could He use a heart that had become so apathetic and complacent? Better yet, why would He use such a sinner like me?
My heart feels for the girl who cried because she forgot what it was like to cry over her first love with Christ. Yet I can't even cry about that. But praise God as he caused my cold calloused heart to beat again as I participated in a ceremony that has become so secondary and has lost so much meaning. I thank God for reminding me of the first love and the first joys of becoming baptized and partaking in communion.
Perhaps the only way we won't forget or become apathetic towards these wonderful means of grace is for our own love and passion to become renewed by the fresh love of new believers. I want to see more genuinely new believers coming to know Christ for the first time and falling ever deeply in love with Him that my own heart would beat with excitement and joy over the Lord Jesus as well.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Say Hello to My Bike
Here is my beast of burden. 110 cc's of pure exhilaration.
During the night when the hives of scum and villainy come alive he goes by the moniker "White Ranger" as my valiant steed and I battle the forces of evil.
During the day, his name is Tommy.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Talk About A Bad Day
Today, Grace Fellowship held a special Korean Night where we ate Korean food, played games and sang Korean songs. The kimchi-jjigae was delicious and the songs were festive, yet I noticed one of the Thai students walking in late with a dejected look on her face. She is one of the new believers and is usually happy, present at all the meetings and enjoys singing all the songs. But today, she ate in the kitchen, didn't participate in the games and sat in a corner sadly drifting away into her thoughts.
So afterward I went up to her and asked how she was doing.
(In Thai)
"How was your day?"
"Good."
"I don't believe you. You look sad. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I don't believe you, something happened today huh?"
She finally let down her wall of solitude and with her eyes glistening shared with me about a horrible day. Things like not liking her school situation. Having go to some far location to do her field studies. Waiting for an hour to catch a songtaew (taxi truck) and then paying a ridiculous 100 baht for the ride (usually around 30).
(There was some more I couldn't catch because it was in Thai.)
After the night ended, I chatted with her through Skype and she asked me, "Why?" "Why would God allow this?" "What is God's plan?"
(Now this is the same girl who excitedly shared with me about how her sister had an experience of praying to God to find her lost keys. She's shared with me before about how when she was not yet Christian, she came to believe there was a God because she prayed to Him and He answered.)
My answer to her question:
"I'm happy for you."
"Why?"
"Now that you have been Christian for a little bit and learned about God more, when things like this happen and you have bad days, these are the times when God really becomes precious and beautiful. These are the times when things don't go right, but you know God is good. It's in times like these you grow more, you trust God more, you love God more."
"But I still want to know why? I wonder about his plan."
"Sometimes God tells us why, sometimes He doesn't. But he does promise us in his word that He will do all things for the good of those who have been called according to his purpose. Sometimes God does things that may not seem good to us but is ultimately for our greater good. One day you will look back and understand why God did this or allowed that to happen."
(During the Korean Night, we watched a youtube video of a Korean woman who had suffered massive 3rd degree burns, permanently disfiguring her appearance, yet still praising God and thanking Him for her life.)
"After I saw that video, I realized the things that happened to me are so small. I feel good about my decision to come to Grace Fellowship tonight."
"Yeah, maybe God wanted to show you today that even in our worst days, when we think of what Jesus did on the cross, it's really not that bad. Jesus had a REALLY bad day, you know what I mean?"
"Yeah, that's why the thing that happened to me today is so small if I compare it to what happened to Jesus. I need read the Bible more to answer what his purpose is."
It's amazing how our big, daunting, depressing, hopeless, terrifying situations and circumstances become small, insignificant, and trivial when we come to His word and read about our mighty, powerful and sovereign God who holds out his amazing promises of joy and peace that transcends all understanding.
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
So afterward I went up to her and asked how she was doing.
(In Thai)
"How was your day?"
"Good."
"I don't believe you. You look sad. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I don't believe you, something happened today huh?"
She finally let down her wall of solitude and with her eyes glistening shared with me about a horrible day. Things like not liking her school situation. Having go to some far location to do her field studies. Waiting for an hour to catch a songtaew (taxi truck) and then paying a ridiculous 100 baht for the ride (usually around 30).
(There was some more I couldn't catch because it was in Thai.)
After the night ended, I chatted with her through Skype and she asked me, "Why?" "Why would God allow this?" "What is God's plan?"
(Now this is the same girl who excitedly shared with me about how her sister had an experience of praying to God to find her lost keys. She's shared with me before about how when she was not yet Christian, she came to believe there was a God because she prayed to Him and He answered.)
My answer to her question:
"I'm happy for you."
"Why?"
"Now that you have been Christian for a little bit and learned about God more, when things like this happen and you have bad days, these are the times when God really becomes precious and beautiful. These are the times when things don't go right, but you know God is good. It's in times like these you grow more, you trust God more, you love God more."
"But I still want to know why? I wonder about his plan."
"Sometimes God tells us why, sometimes He doesn't. But he does promise us in his word that He will do all things for the good of those who have been called according to his purpose. Sometimes God does things that may not seem good to us but is ultimately for our greater good. One day you will look back and understand why God did this or allowed that to happen."
(During the Korean Night, we watched a youtube video of a Korean woman who had suffered massive 3rd degree burns, permanently disfiguring her appearance, yet still praising God and thanking Him for her life.)
"After I saw that video, I realized the things that happened to me are so small. I feel good about my decision to come to Grace Fellowship tonight."
"Yeah, maybe God wanted to show you today that even in our worst days, when we think of what Jesus did on the cross, it's really not that bad. Jesus had a REALLY bad day, you know what I mean?"
"Yeah, that's why the thing that happened to me today is so small if I compare it to what happened to Jesus. I need read the Bible more to answer what his purpose is."
It's amazing how our big, daunting, depressing, hopeless, terrifying situations and circumstances become small, insignificant, and trivial when we come to His word and read about our mighty, powerful and sovereign God who holds out his amazing promises of joy and peace that transcends all understanding.
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Loy Krathong Festival
Caption: I stole this photo of "khom fai" (sky lanterns) from wikipedia because my crappy camera can't do the festival justice. (Am I gonna get in trouble? I hope not.)Other photos taken by me at my Facebook album.
The past three days in Chiang Mai was the Loy Krathong Festival. Loy Krathong means "floating banana tree trunk raft" and is "decorated with elaborately folded banana leaves, flowers, candles, incense sticks, etc" (Wikipedia...ahahah).
Here's a picture I took of the Krathong that is not yet "Loy"ing (floating) on a river. It's actually a Krathong yuu bon dto (Krathong on a table).
Before us short-term missionaries went out to the festival, we prayed for spiritual protection and an awareness/understanding of some of the things we would see. God reminded me that He created the diverse cultures of the world, each containing a shell of the beauty that came from being created in the image of God. Even though some of the rituals or actions may now be against God, God wants to redeem all the cultures of the world so that in the end of days, the diversity of mankind (people from every nation, tribe, and tongue) will come together to worship God.Anyway, the festival was loud and exciting like an American Independence Day, except with illegal fireworks. I'm sure there were some M80 type firecrackers and bottle rockets (that some Thai kids throw at you while you're driving by on your motorcycle!). The festivities continue late into the night and as the last of the sky lanterns turn into tiny specks of light in the night sky, you can hear the bomb-like explosions and shrieking squeals of fireworks still going off. Cacophonous Thai music with bouncy rhythmic beats color the sounds of people as they excitedly twirl sparklers around, set off fire crackers, and light the sky lanterns that come in an assortment of colors.
A parade began on a street perpendicular to the one we were standing on. Columns of Thais in traditional clothing walked by, with some carrying ornately dressed children on their shoulders. Colorful floats with elephants (the Thai national animal) and miniature temple-shaped buildings passed by as well. (see picture below)
Anyway, Wikipedia describes Loy Krathong:
Apart from venerating the Buddha with light (the candle on the raft), the act of floating away the candle raft is symbolic of letting go of all one's grudges, anger and defilement, so that one can start life afresh on a better foot. People will also cut their fingernails and hair and add them to the raft as a symbol of letting go of the bad parts of oneself. Many Thai believe that floating a krathong will create good luck, and they do it to honor and thank the Goddess of Water, Phra Mae Khongkha.
A multitude of Lanna-style sky lanterns (khom fai) are also launched into the air where they resemble large flocks of giant fluorescent jellyfish gracefully floating by through the skies. These are believed to help rid the locals of troubles and are also taken to decorate houses and streets.
Well I'm not going to make too many religious/cultural judgments on a festival that I only know about through Wikipedia and hearing random bits here and there from Thai people, but here's a few thoughts I had:
1. The Loy Krathong that is floated down the river as a symbol of "letting go of all one's grudges, anger and defilement, so that one can start life afresh on a better foot," reminded me of scapegoat that would be released into the desert on the Day of Atonement. Leviticus 16:20-22 describes the ritual:
When Aaron has finished making atonement for the Most Holy Place, the Tent of Meeting and the altar, he shall bring forward the live goat. he is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites - all their sins - and put them on the goat's head. he shall send the goat away into the desert in the care of a man appointed for the task. The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and the man shall release it in the desert.This scapegoat, along with the other goat which would be sacrificed on the altar in the Most Holy Place would point to the work of Jesus Christ on the cross. His blood would propitiate and exhaust the wrath of God and upon the cross, He would expiate our sins, removing our transgressions as far as the east is from the west. Yet the process of removing all our sin, grudges, anger and defilement so that we can start life afresh is not symbolic when it comes to Christ. It was a real event that changed the course of history two thousand years ago and gives the gift of new life and the hope of glory to all who believe in Him. Praise God!
2. The Khom Fai (sky lanterns) that also carry one's fears, hopes, wishes and prayers to the heavens is something that resounds in the human heart. Who doesn't want to believe that there is some greater being or force in this universe that will receive our worries? It's the eternal yearning of other-worldly hope that comes from the realization of the futility of self-effort and the weakness of man. How amazing and wonderful that our God is a personal, living God that seeks to have a relationship with us. Isaiah writes of our God, "For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: 'I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite'" (Isaiah 57:15). The eternal God, higher than the heavens is here with us in our hearts to assuage our fears, give us hope and fill our needs. We can cast our anxieties on Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Once again, the sky lanterns are symbolic, but the prayers we lift up are real and carried by the Spirit up to God, made pure and holy by the blood of Christ, and mediated by Jesus himself. Therefore we can approach the throne of grace with confidence and boldness where we will find mercy and grace in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16).
3. Lastly, it's not only Thais but foreigners who take part in the floating of Krathongs down the river and launching Khom Fai into the sky. I wonder if they understand the meaning behind their actions, or if they've heard from people about the symbolism of prayers being sent up or defilement being floated away, I wonder if they partake with genuine belief something good will happen if they do. I don't think I would have had a problem to float a sky lantern for the sake of it...I think. Regardless, it's interesting to think about whether Christians should partake in an activity even if its lost most or all of its pagan religious meaning (which in Thailand, I don't think it has). I mean think about Halloween (everyone's favorite target, but even the greatest day next to Easter, my birthday (or Christmas). I mean who is Santa Claus? Why does he give presents? If he really understood the depravity of mankind, no one would get presents because aren't we all naughty? I forgot what I was talking about in this last point.
Anyway, American holidays are so bland and boring compared to Thai holidays. Whoo...hotdogs...bonfire...picnics...meh. Isn't it interesting that our culture which has excised as much colorful festive superstitious-y, religious culture as possible has ended up being drab and colorless?
Some food for thought.
Until next time!
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